The Guys’ Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys’ side of the story. (I must admit, it’s pretty good.) We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!


1) Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1) Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1) Crying is blackmail.

1) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1) If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1) If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1) Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1) If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1) If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

1) Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1) You have enough clothes.

1) You have too many shoes.

1) I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1) Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.


Respect – large (In a Jamaican accent), to the genius that strung these together.
Bless you. Where ever you may be.

Dan Ochu-Baiye

Large. Curious. Reads a lot. Wild. Loves lions and tigers. Music. Gym. Hiking. Loud music.

This Post Has 8 Comments

  1. takamdi

    if we women adhere to this list not only will you find us boring you will leave us and never love us. so for the safety of our progeny we will respectfully decline. i mean 17months of head ache? dude google is your friend, go learn something lol …………… respect.. Nice one Dan

    1. Dan Ochu-Baiye

      I truly believe that the piece should be enjoyed in good humour. I agree, we need females up in our grill more than we care to admit.
      Thanks for always being there TK. Lovealways!

  2. Love this! Especially that all are numbered #1 with one being most important!

    1. Dan Ochu-Baiye

      I’ve taken to living on the run since that post, the women around my life are vicious! Lol… Thanks for dropping by…

      1. Read Between the Lyme

        Uhm, I was wondering about how it would go over! 😜 I thought it was helpful, kind of like a blueprint for my husband LOL Good luck with the ladies.

  3. Tuesday

    On point! Actually love this, every time I read it…the first piece on this blog my heart ain’t racing from…finally.
    I should stop now…

    1. Dan Ochu-Baiye

      Lol. Be of steady heart. Let thine countenance be of cheerful disposition.

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