Ms. Ego Pride

“…Ego, the anesthesia that deadens the pain of stupidity…”

“…Pride is the burden of a foolish person…”

Yet you; my lovely stupid foolishness, are my obligatory burden.

D. O-B

Advertisements

I Was

If I did not do it

It would not get done. 

It was always me

In retrospect, I was. 




I was the catalyst

I was the reactant

I was the reaction that set off our chainreaction

In retrospect, I was. 
I was the romance 

I was the lust

I was the dominant bankroll

In retrospect, I was. 

If I do not do it

Why can you not? 

I Am always me

Why, oh why will you not? ! 

If I did not do it

It would not get done. 

It was always me

In retrospect, I was. 

Why Love Hurts 

Now wey night don reach 
Where you from dey come 
Person wey get de property na winsh
You been dey die, no need to form.  
Now wey day don finish 
Ojuju and demon dem don dey comot
Bind and cast; abi wetin pastor preach? 
Hmmm… But dis fuck-up na ya fault. 
Now wey light no dey
No be who you fit see you suppose fight? 
When you suppose humble, try pray 
You, dey prove say mumu must escalate!

Glossary   

1. Winsh       – witch 

2.’to form’   – pretend 

3. Ojuju          – masquerade 

4. Comot       – ‘to venture out’ 

5. Mumu        – adept at, and proven track                       records of foolishness, idiocy 

The Guys’ Rules

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down.

Finally, the guys’ side of the story. (I must admit, it’s pretty good.) We always hear “the rules” from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side.

These are our rules!

Please note… these are all numbered “1” ON PURPOSE!

image

1) Learn to work the toilet seat. You’re a big girl. If it’s up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don’t hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

1) Sunday sports. It’s like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

1) Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

1) Crying is blackmail.

1) Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just say it!

1) Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

1) Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That’s what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

1) A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

1) Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

1) If you won’t dress like the Victoria’s Secret girls, don’t expect us to act like soap opera guys.

1) If you think you’re fat, you probably are. Don’t ask us.

1) If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.

1) You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

1) Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

1) Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

1) ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

1) If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

1) If we ask what is wrong and you say “nothing,” we will act like nothing’s wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

1) If you ask a question you don’t want an answer to, expect an answer you don’t want to hear.

1) When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine… Really.

1) Don’t ask us what we’re thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks.

1) You have enough clothes.

1) You have too many shoes.

1) I am in shape. Round is a shape.

1) Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don’t mind that? It’s like camping.

Credits:

Respect – large (In a Jamaican accent), to the genius that strung these together.
Bless you. Where ever you may be.

Rest. In. Peace…

Faces are all blurry right now
Names are like quantum physics
Women deciphered by body parts
Sweat, spittle, tears, drinks

Each thrill sicker than the last
Deviant ‘sex-tremes’ redefining pleasure
Your body is a toxin
My body, a poison

Tonight it’s a different anomaly
Come, let us create taboos
I will debase you lovingly
Just because I like your tattoos

Where am I? Psyche ward or rehab?
I will never do this again
Someone call mummy… No, Rahab
Prayer or pleasure… Effin’ migraine!

You want to buy something I don’t got
You are looking for someone I am not
You need to feel alive, so you flirt with death
‘Reaper’s rollin’ in, inna hearse…
C’mon baby open your eyes…! Please!!