How To Survive “A Bed Of Snakes”

“Once upon a time in a far away kingdom called earth, there lived a special group of people called human beings.

They were mostly two-legged.
They were born male and female.
They were born free.
They were supposed to all be equal.

But they came in varying colors, sizes, shapes, strengths and awareness.
But they were each beautiful, after their kind.

Also living in this convoluted kingdom were animals.

And snakes.

And a snake was he/she/it that tempted the woman in the garden of Eden blah…blah…blah…

And thus begat the birth of the fear of snakes.

And there was one who found himselfย  in bed with a snake. Yet another in a den, attacked by a couple of snakes…

They fought and won. Some were lost to the snakes. Over years, stories of their battles were handed down to the son’s. In the manner of commandments.”

1) Thou shalt do nothing

Keep perfectly still. Do not move. Pay rapt attention to the said snake. Observe it keenly. Is it long? Is it short? Does it rattle? Does it hiss? Does it stand up? Is it coiled? Color? Distinctive markings? Study your snake objectively. Your life may depend on these details later.

2) Thou shalt not fear

Say no to ophidiophobia.

When we are afraid, we secrete adrenaline. Animals can sense this. Its like perfume to them. They zero in on your panic. It encourages them. Steady yourself… Strengthen yourself with reasons why you must survive this. Anger. Love waiting at home. The injustice or unfairness of your present predicament… Anything! Even when afraid, hide it!

3) Thou shalt become as a snake

“When in Rome…”

A portion of Neuro-linguistic programming (NLP) teaches of the behavioral psychology of mirroring your counterpart… This attitude will throw your snake off balance.
Embrace the moment. Think like the snake. Is it hungry? Is it a snake protecting its young? Is it ill tempered?
You are in survival mode. What would your type of snake do? What is the snake aiming to do? Will it constrict you? Is it venomous?
Become like it.

4) Thou shalt observe thine arena

Your predicament typically contains the key to your salvation. A bigger, carnivorous snake? A weapon? A mongoose? Allies? At least an exit point? Open your eyes to opportunities of salvation.

5) Thou shalt fight to kill

Sadly, most situations like this culminate in the demise of the prey. Primarily because they eschewed the preceding commandments.
If you fight for your right to life; for your right to existence with your spirit, soul, heart, body and might, two outcomes are inevitable:-

a) you will be victorious-

Either because you slaughter them or they flee because you are no pushover.
My personal code of ethics is to pursue the snake, overtake it, and expeditiously dispatch it to snake-afterlife. I firmly believe that “the snake that fights and runs away, will return to f#@k you up!”

b) you will not be victorious-

Ah…well…(damn!) At least you went down fighting.
Leave scars on them though. Leave injuries so grievous, they may not survive.
Or wounds that would maim them for life. Or at least make it easier for your family to avenge you.
Make a mess! Do not go out like a sissy.

6) Thou shalt crush its head with thine heel; sever the head

Show no mercy.
Even its death throes are dangerous.

“Cut off the head and the body dies”

Its a good example in any case.
Your coldblooded decapitation will resound throughout reptile-dom.

7) Thou shalt propagate these commandments

What you (really) pay for, is ignorance.

Spread the word. Watch out for snakes! These are the steps to victory. Snakes abound. There are usually many more ahead.

“But snakes intrigued some humans.

They studied them.
Some even liked them.

Yet some, by error of omission or ofย  commission began exhibiting characteristics of snakes.

They would stalk fellow humans as though prey.

They are among us.”

And the (enlightened) humans lived happily ever after…

Or, so they thought.

Dan Ochu-Baiye

Large. Curious. Reads a lot. Wild. Loves lions and tigers. Music. Gym. Hiking. Loud music.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Declan

    A philosophy I share and practice for both kinds of snakes – natural and human!

    1. Dan Ochu-Baiye

      Thank you Declan. Glad to see you here. I’m ecstatic that my double entendre isn’t lost on you. Don’t be a stranger here sir. Thanks for dropping by.

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