King Herod

Yes I can act too. Enjoy…

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“Size matters not. Look at me. Judge me by my size, do you? Hmm? Hmm. And well you should not. For my ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is. Life creates it, makes it grow. Its energy surrounds us and binds us. Luminous beings are we, not this crude matter. You must feel the Force around you; here, between you, me, the tree, the rock, everywhere, yes. Even between the land and the ship.” – Yoda

The ‘What If?’ Series. (Dan-ifying The Biblical Enoch) 

Saw this meme and stuff got funny in my head. 

(Hehehehe, what’s new dude?) 
Naturally, I enjoyed several spectra of alternate reasonings on the robust plethora of outcomes, explanations and conjecture. 

I can share one of those ‘alternate reasonings’ with you if you want? 

Yes? 

Aiight… I will. 

Good thing you want to hear it, because the other ‘reasonings’ will have me precariously perched on the precipice of Apostasy. Or is it Heresy? 

Sigh… Note to self, Google the difference! ASAP dude!! 

Asiwassaying… 

Enoch did not die because he was God’s friend. 

I know the meme was about Methuselah, but…actually… but nothing! 

It’s my blog, my random (albeit nearly heretic) musings, and my…my…my everything! 

Deal with it!

Asiwassaying…

They were very close. They spent hours chatting and talking mostly about everything Enoch knew; (and I suspect) infinitesimally little about what God knew. 
Let me just say it out without fear or favour, Enoch was probably God’s first Best Friend Forever!  

Too Apostasy-ish? 

Check this out then:- even the Grim Reaper recognized that Enoch was God’s BFF and wisely gave Enoch a wide berth-harvesting other souls instead. Let me put this point in a human – relatable perspective for you; think about and recognise how careful the average American/America is around Chelsea Clinton? Or how Al Capone’s son in-law must have been on his best behaviour whilst the godfather was alive? 

I also imagined another matter; that so robust was their friendship, that God ‘forgot’ to allow him die. 

Proof? 

Here, 

“And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years: [24] And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.” 

(Genesis 5:23-24).

Uhmmmm, just in case you are that uhmmmm…unknowing, the reference is from the Holy Bible. Just in case. 

I imagine that after a long time spent talking with Enoch one day. After a flurry of particularly spiritual and intellectually stimulating conversation with Enoch God got up and suggested, 

“Come Enoch, walk me home. We can continue this conversation all the way to my place”

Bearing in mind that it is not everyday God invites you to his house, Enoch probably replied, 

“Yes Lord.”

And then,“he (Enoch) was not; for God took him.”


The Chronicles Of Chrioni: Interviewing God

I was in Asaba, Delta state this past weekend. I elected to go by road. It was fun. 

We stopped at Lokoja, Kogi state for light refreshments.
My girlfriend recently commissioned a water park there, Enez Waterworld.
The place is a wonder.
Pure genius.
A very pregnant cash cow there.

Somewhere within the fish market, I stopped to ogle at some beads. I chose there to flirt back at the cutest four – year old Fulani child in her mother’s arms. 

The child started it. 

In the end, I think I won the hearts of mother and child. 

Harmless fun. 

There was an envelope placed under the wiper of my truck by the time we got back to the convoy of vehicles. Between the windscreen and the wiper.
We were traveling with military escorts armed to the teeth. They were supposed to stand guard at all times. Yet none of them saw the delivery guy. Even though two of them were stationed by the vehicle the entire time.

The envelope was addressed to me.

The Tactical Response military attaché returned the envelope seven minutes later and declared it anthrax free… et al.

Lovely cursive… Faint smell of myrrh.
Yes, myrrh.
I just know the fragrance, I am gifted like that.
I rarely allow contributions to my blog. But this I had to allow. Let me know your thoughts…

{“To the entirety of creation,
As penned by my own hand, in my capacity as chief scribe, I Chrioni, messenger of ‘The Holy of Holies’, doth write…

‘The Most High’ simply summoned me, Chrioni, to take notes. I was not privy to the “how” or the “why” of the interview.

‘El Shaddai’ was clearly interested in this lady. He seemed to have toned down His glory a bit. He seemed to be trying to get her comfortable by appearing more human.

She looked desperate, hungry …, ordinary actually.
But then we messengers are yet to fully comprehend what ‘Jehovah Tsidkenu’ sees in humanity.

I took my place adjacent to them both. She sat directly opposite ‘Jehovah Rapha.’

Ask Me…” His usually thunderous voice gently prompted.

“Where did you come from Lord?” She quipped. Her voice was steady and clear, devoid of fear or intimidation.

‘Jehovah Rohi’ smiled and simply replied, I AM!

He went on to add, “Your real quest is not to know where I am from. You wonder how I do all I do. You wonder why I allow what I permit. You, (more than most) , are truly interested in My Mind. You want to know what makes Me ‘God’.”

The human nodded enthusiastically.

“…My ‘powers’ are not anchored to my whereabouts. My ability is not power at all.
Power is how you rationalize my essence. My essence is my imagination.
All of creation is simply how I imagined it to be…
This ability is latent in all of humanity.
There is nothing impossible to you…
Hold a thought progressively until you see it. Then speak what you have seen…”

The ‘Strong and Breasted One’ spoke with the human for a long time.

I am not permitted to divulge all they spoke of.
For reasons best known to ‘The Author and The Finisher of Our Faith’ , on this day, He granted an interview to a mortal. A woman of uncommon beauty and faith.

After the interview, He bade me to seek another human.
You, Dan Ochu-Baiye.
He said you would do the needful with this text.

Though it was she that interviewed Him, He forbade her to talk about the time spent with Him ever after.

May The Lamb and all the twelve elders bear me witness…
May The Comforter and every messenger able to, bear me witness…

I have completed my task. I have done as instructed.

By my own hand,

Chrioni.“}

Heresy, Apostasy, And The Space Betwixt Them

Happy New Year!

Yay!!

Right…

I attend a vibrant pentecostal church. Tongue – talking, Spirit – filled, demon – chasing type of church.

We are mandated  to fast and pray during the last three days of every year. This year was no different.

I took it very seriously, 2016, I knew was going to be the best year of my life thus far. I could feel it, I just knew.
I actually fasted so I would make no mistakes administering the deluge of wealth and resources coming my way, I craved wisdom. I was fasting for wisdom. I already knew my 2016. I already have 2016!

2016 was my year. It is a year I’ve locked down well.

I took the fasting and prayer so seriously that I levied upon myself a three – day dry fast. No food, no water.

By the third day I was spirit. I was in the spirit and I moved thus.

Then I saw that I was sitting in plush looking car. The upholstery was exquisite. From the ambience I deduced that we were seated in a Rolls Royce, in a Ghost or Phantom.

Yes ‘we.’

He was seated facing me.

The devil.

Satan.

Lucifer.

Beelzebub.

Yes, the devil.

He was the epitome of impeccable taste and style.
Very dapper, very trendy 40-something year old.
Good looking dude too.
His expensive-smelling perfume caressed my nostrils pleasantly.

“I’m tired of it all. I don’t even know how it got this bad!”

“Who? What? ” I queried.

“God! This quarrel we have… I’m wrong, He’s right… I’m bad, He’s good… Sick of it! I accept!! I’m the bad one, I accept my faults… Punish me!!! ”

I had nothing, by way of reply.

“I just want a bit of peace. I’m tired of evil, or being blamed for it. I wish I could leave it all.”

“Why are you telling me all this? ” I asked.

What did Satan take me for? I had more carnal concerns. This issue, even in heaven would require the  intervention of very top management.

“Your spirit shone the brightest in this principality. You have been luminous almost three days now. It’s been years since I felt such faith! I had to come see.”

“Wow!”

Okay. Uhmmmm, guess its not everyone that can impress the devil… thank you I guess?

He gazed at me for seconds, but they felt like hours.

I returned his scrutiny.

He embodied Masculine perfection.

He was telling the truth.

The father of all lies… Was telling the truth.
He was tired of fighting God. He wanted out. Retirement.

Prison.

The lake of fire.

Anything!

He was done being the devil.

“Then you must talk to Him. He is The Way, The Truth and The Life…” I counseled.

“I fear I have fallen from grace. I am cast down. I have lost my grace.” The devil gravely intoned.

“I know a way, but you sir, must do as I ask. I will act and talk but once… I need to be getting back.”

He was nodding his head in total agreement.
So I sat up, and the devil mirrored by movements thus closing the gap between us. I held out my hands and the devil clasped them.
So hand in hand with my eyes closed I instructed the devil to repeat after me.

“Dear God,
I come to You in the Name of Jesus. I admit that I am not right with You, and I want to be right with You. I ask You to forgive me of all my sins. The Bible says if I confess with my mouth that “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in my heart that God raised Him from the dead, I will be saved (Rom. 10:9). I believe with my heart and I confess with my mouth that Jesus is the Lord and Savior of my life. Thank You for saving me!
In Jesus’ Name I pray. Amen.”

And he did. The devil repeated after me.

Satan gave his life to Christ.

The devil had just accepted Jesus into his heart.

I had led Lucifer to Christ. He was now born again.

I felt everything spiritual grind to a halt. The atmosphere became thick, then crackle, then hurt like static electricity.

Painful. Unbearable. Pressure.

Uncomfortable.

I was about to lead him to be filled with the Holy Spirit when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I looked up into the softest, whitest, purest form of light and life.

The devil had the same glory and grace on either side. They were now holding him up.

Well done good and faithful servant… You are an heir… My son… ! You are a god.” The messenger spoke to and about me.

“May it be so, amen. ” I acquiesced.

And then in an instant the messengers took the devil to meet God.

In the same instant I was myself.

I pondered on many things.

Then I prayed that God forgive the devil and accept a prodigal son.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

A Woman’s Greatest Mistake

This piece is largely “a note to self”.

If you are male, kindly substitute gender and references as appropriate.

I stumbled on the writer online. Her words resonated on many levels.

I have tried to leave the manuscript as close to the original as possible. Alas, my arrogance bade me to perform rudimentary editing.

There are salient messages for women in here. For once, feel free NOT to leave a comment.

This is a public service.

This is simply correspondence that coincides with my current trend of thought.

A WOMAN’S GREATEST MISTAKE!

Honestly a woman’s greatest mistake in a relationship is letting her man find another woman to treat him the way he feels he needs to be treated.

Very often we get carried away in our relationships worrying about all of the things our men aren’t doing or are doing wrong. Forgetting to consider those things we as women are not doing or doing wrong in the relationship, which may or may not have caused the misbehaviour/ complaints we have about them.
It is sometimes like the case of the chicken and the egg, which came first? Is his behaviour as a result of your mistakes or he is just misbehaving because that is how he is?
This is a question we women tend to omit when there is a row in our relationships. We forget Newton’s law that says “to every action there is an equal reaction” also applies to our relationships.

So the next time you are carrying on and on about what your man is or has done wrong, I’ ll suggest you stop for a moment to consider what you might or not have done to trigger his reactions.
Another mistake we make is going into a new relationship with a ‘Blue Print’ on how we want our man to be like, look like, eat like, smell like, dress like, sleep like, speak like and even sometimes to think like!

We set up a standard in our heads that no human being can meet up with, without realising it.
And then when there are arguments because the poor feller is disappointing us by not being the way we expected or wanted him to be, our thoughts and emotions automatically slips into a turmoil. Putting a lot of restraints and unnecessary pressure on the relationship.
If you are lucky to have a man who is emotionally matured and strong enough to wait around to work and walk you through your misconceptions and unattainable expectations, then there could still be hope for your relationship. This is often times not the case because most men would not wait around to develop hypertension because of a woman.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying a girl shouldn’t have a standard, but please set realistic standards and go into a relationship with an open mind because then there would be no grave disappointments.
(And if) you both have any incompatibility that is crucial for the survival of the relationship, it will be easier and less painful to detect. Saving you both time and emotional disturbances.
Another mistake we make is loving our men the way we want to be loved but not the way he wants to be loved.

Yes you heard me right!
The problem is that most us have developed a fantasy of how a man should show us love, based on reading too many romance novels and watching too many western romantic films that are mostly fictional and based on a writer’s fantasy in another continent. Where their traditions and culture are different from ours. We expect cakes, roses and candlelight dinners during courtship in a country where roses are imported, where cake is not our local snack and candles are used either for praying or to see in the dark after ‘NEPA’ takes the light!

What am trying to say is that love doesn’t have to materialise itself like it is described in Mills and Boons or any of these other books and movies.

According to relationship Guru Gary Chapman, there are five Love Languages. In his book; How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. He explains that these 5 love languages are:
Gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch (intimacy).

Everyone of us identifies love through one or more of these languages. And so will only want to receive love in those languages.
So what this means is that people should not use the love languages that they like the most but rather the love languages that their loved ones can receive.
Each person is said to have one primary and one secondary love language. Chapman suggests that to discover a love language, one must observe the way he expresses love to others.
Women, analyse what your man complains about most often, and what he requests from you most often.
People tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love. It is best to find out your partner’s love language so as to be able to love him duly.

Chapman suggests that people’s love languages do not change over time, but instead develop and need to be nurtured in different ways.
So if your partner is one that is touchy then you need to understand the best way to love him or her is to be regularly intimate with him/her.
If it’s gift that does the trick then come up with a way of fulfilling that wish.
If yours is all about how much they want to spend quality time with you then you know the best way to love them is to spend more time with them, not necessarily for sex but just time to be together.
And those whose love language is through words of affirmation, will always want to be told how much they are been loved, missed and appreciated.
So if you are not the expressive type and this is your partner ‘s love language, then I suggest you start working on how to get comfortable with words. Words don’t have to be spoken, they can also be written.
For those who’s love language is in the act of service (devotion). Be ready to be there for him/ her whenever needed. This are men and women we often tag ‘needy’.
The best love language they understand is when there partners are physically and mentally ready to help solve their problems, whether big or small.
So ladies, do not let another woman get to understand your man’ s love language before you. Show him love the way he understands it. And stop making the mistake of comparing your man to your ex or to your friends man or even to your father!

Love him for him so he can love you for you.

” you want to be you, so let me too be me ”

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