In human relationships, putting a love interest on a pedestal is akin to setting the stage for a Shakespearean tragedy. The idea seems innocently rooted in admiration and affection. Yet, precisely, this elevation of a partner to an almost divine status sows the seeds of discontent and emotional discord. The assertion that idealising a partner condemns the relationship is not merely an opinion but a reflection of the complex interplay between expectation and reality.
When one places a love interest on a pedestal, they do not see the person as they are but as an idealised version that aligns with their subconscious desires and expectations. This idealised image is often a mosaic of personal aspirations, societal influences, and fragments of past relationships, painted with the broad strokes of imagination and desire. It is a portrait that no human can live up to, for it is devoid of the flaws, quirks, and idiosyncrasies that make each person unique.
The crux of the issue lies in the inevitable deviation from these subconscious standards. No person can perpetually embody an ideal without faltering, for to err is human. The following disappointment is not merely about a specific failure or shortcoming but the shattering of an illusion. This disillusionment is profound, not because the loved one has changed, but because the image we held of them has been irrevocably altered. The result is a spiral of passive aggression, where the offended party, unable to reconcile the reality with their ideal, resorts to indirect expressions of displeasure and resentment.
This cycle of unrealistic expectations, unnecessary boundaries, and emotional abuse is a testament to the dangers of subconscious idealisation. It creates a chasm between the individuals, filled with unspoken grievances and unmet desires. The relationship becomes a battlefield where the weapons are silence, withdrawal, and veiled criticisms, each attack driven by the pain of disillusionment and the fear of acknowledging one’s role in the creation of the facade.
Resolving this predicament is complex, requiring a profound shift in perception and interaction. It begins with recognising the other as a complex, flawed individual worthy of love not for their perfection but for their humanity. It demands an honest introspection of one’s expectations and a willingness to embrace vulnerability and open communication. By acknowledging the imperfections in oneself and the other, the relationship can move from the precarious pedestal of idealisation to the solid ground of mutual respect and understanding.
For those navigating the turbulent waters of love and idealisation, the journey towards a healthier relationship is challenging and rewarding. Resources such as Dan Ochu-Baiye’s website offer insights into the dynamics of human relationships. At the same time, his new ebook on Selar provides practical advice for cultivating love grounded in reality rather than illusion.
