Funny thing is
Things are not going well with us
No… Not us, us!
We are not talking
We are both sulking
It’s ‘HI!’ whilst walking.
We’re not making love
Not just her…, you!
Celibate with you two.
Sigh… You are all the same
I am what I am
Coulda woulda shoulda… Shame!
He thinks it’s you
You think it is him
I think it’s another.
You want to be him
He wants to be you
I want another.
You allow me (for him)
He frees me (for you)
And I get the other.
Thank you for supporting Danochubaiye.com.
Thank you for every ‘like’, for every comment, and for every ‘share’.
“let there be love shared amongst us, let there be love in our hearts…”
Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year ahead!
My first e-book is suddenly making waves.
Funny because it’s been over a year published exclusively on Amazon.
Just in case you missed it, I think you should check it out.
Remember the popular quote about not judging a book by its cover? Yeah… Case in point…
Leave a kind review? (for my ego).
Thank you.
Here’s the link :-
Had an interesting call the other day. And like I promised you ma’am, here are tips on how to keep us men interested.
Hold your horses though, is the man in your life married to you?
Committed, exclusive relationship?
Fresh date?
The parameters shift in direct proportion to your answers.
Largely though, these tips work for most situations. But they are are loosely compiled for married folk… (Chiagozie, yes, that is a disclaimer. Lol)
Are you losing him? True women know what I mean. Pseudo-women are notoriously clueless to the sign, and then wonder what happened or what the other woman has that she doesn’t.
Is he spending more time elsewhere? Despite being in the same room with you?
Are you living with a shadow of him, a ‘shell’ of the man you once knew?
Did you hurt him?
Lovers spat perhaps?
Or just waning lust?
Either way, these, or some of these may help:-
Be spontaneous. Shock him, awe him, make plans for the evening or plan an entire elaborate date by yourself. Surprise him and never be too predictable.
Don’t change yourself. Stay true to the real person that you are. Don’t change yourself, change however, your personality. Be dynamic, but stick to who you are. It’s frankly easier. And honest.
Take initiatives in bed. Your guy may like taking control in bed, but when you show creativity, you may leave him in awe of your confidence and sexiness.
Smell great all the time. Always smell great around him but don’t overpower subtle fragrances with sickly sweet perfumes though. Always smell good, and pay special attention to your personal hygiene and body odor.
Learn to seduce him. Seduction doesn’t stop in bed. Be sexy around him and be creative wherever you go.
Show interest in his hobbies. A guy would absolutely love a girl who shows interest in his special hobbies, be it playing on his Xbox or climbing a mountain. Men want to spend their lives with a woman who truly understands them and connects to them.
Don’t be a drama queen. It’s alright to throw a fussy fit now and then if your guy disrespects you. But no matter what, don’t exaggerate a situation or blow it out of proportion just to prove a point. Guys can see through the acts of even the best drama queens.
Be his shoulder to lean on. Give him your strength and support when he’s low on morale. Reassure him and help him confide his problems to you. Be his confidant and his warm pillow when he’s in the dumps and he’ll treat you like a goddess.
Be his arm candy. Look good in his arms when both of you are together. Get a new hairstyle now and then, look fashionable and classy and he’ll never want you to leave his arms.
Be financially secure. Be in control of your finances and have a well settled job. Guys love a girl with a steady head on her shoulders. At the same time, they stay a mile away from careless spendthrifts!
Have intelligent conversations. A guy may want an arm candy when he’s on the streets, but he also wants a lover who can communicate with him and have intelligent conversations at the end of the day.
Win over his family. Guys are attached to their families and a few guys are even loyal mama’s boys. Make his family and friends think you’re a catch and he’ll definitely love you more.
Help him deal with life. Men may behave like the saviors of the world. But inside, they’re still little boys who need a cuddle and a hug now and then. Help your man deal with the issues life throws at him.
Public display of affection. Your man may shy away from a bit of PDA, but he still loves it when you cling to his arms like a damsel in distress. It makes him feel more powerful and sexy!
Stroke his ego. If you want to keep your guy interested and happy, learn to stroke his ego. Compliment his achievements and give him a pat on his back when he’s proud of something. Make him feel like a man and he’ll stay your man.
Be independent and dependent. Confused? Be dependent when you’re with him. Be independent when you’re by yourself. It’ll make him feel more like a man when you’re around without really feeling like you’re needy when he’s busy doing something else.
Be happy and interesting. Be interesting and creative with your life. See the happy side in everything, even in the most mundane of days. When you’re an optimist, your infectious happiness will definitely rub on to him.
Don’t make him feel insecure. Flirt with others and talk to men, but never at the cost of his insecurity. When he’s around, hug him close and he’ll swell with affection for you. No stories of your exes. Stay loyal. And oh… Do not…I repeat, do not, betray his confidence(s) in you. You will be emotionally (and eventually physically) replaced if you do.
Be smart and classy. Don’t ask stupid questions. Guys may like a dumb bimbette at first, but they’re not looking for a long term relationship with them.
Don’t be clingy and needy. Guys like a damsel who needs their help. But that stops once the infatuation period is over. Show him that you’re self reliant and he’ll always look for ways to help you and please you.
Be sexually innovative. Know your moves in bed and everywhere else. Have sex in different places, role play with him, wear an apron and nothing else while cooking something special, tie his hands to the bedpost, or vice versa… You get the drift, don’t you?
Be a good cook. No matter what people say, the adage, the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach still holds good. I’m an exception to that rule though… But it works generally.
Make him proud of you. Guys may be shallow at first sight, but they still want a girl they can respect and admire. Be an achiever and a girl he can look up to in awe.
Respect yourself. You’re not a doormat. Let him know that you have the strength to move on if he treats you badly.
Don’t play “games”. It becomes obvious when a woman is playing coy. The repercussions are usually dire, albeit fatal.
Don’t play hard to get.
Jealousy? Hmmm…! Please don’t. He may kill you.
Don’t test his love. Have faith.
Don’t test his commitment. His patience or his resolve. Just be loving… Or not. Emotions are not to be played with.
Make him dependent on you. As long as he thinks he can’t live without you or if he feels helpless without you, he’ll always stay dependent on you.
Pick the traits you can use and you’ll see how easy it can be to keep a guy interested in you. But never let him use you or treat you like a pushover.
Earn his respect and love. And let him earn yours. Treat him with love and affection, even if he does not deserve it. Have a timeframe though… If he does not thaw or change, respect yourself and take leave of the moron.
3) KNOW YOUR PREY
I love Lions and Tigers.
Ligers and Tigons too.
Leopards and Cheetahs.
I love big cats.
I love Natural Geographic. Cool stuff about the animal kingdom going on there.
The episodes about big cats hunting have me riveted. Ever see the shows? Awesome!
Especially when they hunt. Serious business I tell you.
Them cats know their prey;
They know how fast a deer can go.
They know how keen the eyesight of different prey is.
They know wind direction instinctively, and adjust appropriately.
They know where the watering holes are.
They know which particular quarry they want in a whole herd and work to isolate that one.
They can spot potential prey by observing their weaknesses. Illnesses. Immaturity. Youth. Rookie mistakes.
The cats know themselves too;
How fast they can go. What part of the terrain camouflages them best.
They know how hungry they are, and more importantly, they know exactly what they need to do.
Instincts, genetics, experience and much more, funnel these potent ingredients into a fantastic predator.
Do you know your husband?
Do you know your wife?
Have you ever bothered to know who they are and what they stand for? What they live for? What they would die for?
Do you even know if they really like broccoli? Asparagus? Pizza, or caviar?
If they prefer Merlot to Sauvignon? Vodka to Scotch?
Or its just, “my husband drinks alcohol sha…”
Or, “I sha dey know say wifey like ice cream…”
I have always maintained that, “what we pay for, is really ignorance.”
The same thing you are paying cash for, a more savvy individual is getting it for free.
The issue causing you sleepless nights is not her mother, or rich ex.
Darling, the stuff making you cry is not his girlfriends or wayward lifestyle.
It is your ignorance.
Ignorance of your prey.
You have not “studied to show yourself approved”.
“Draw near to listen” to your spouse. Study them dispassionately.
Read their mannerisms. Your spouse is your prey!
You belong to each other. Chase down, hunt (pay rapt attention to) your beloved daily.
Read them again like a daily devotional or like a fresh copy of your favorite magazine.
Own your marriage.
Own your home.
You need to because, “where your treasure lies, there your heart will be also.”
Or rather, where your spouses’ treasure lies; is where their heart will be.
What does your beloved treasure? What is important to them?
If you cannot, or will not studiously find the answer to these questions, then you are not where your beloved is.
He/she is watching MTV; and you, Telemundo.
You will generally be at polar opposites. Share a few laughs maybe when you both meet occasionally at mutual “drinking holes”, and then they are off to watch MTV…and you, Telemundo.
Do not be lazy. Take care to know the state of your lover. Know when they are lying. (Yes it is possible).
Take care to know when they are afraid or worried.
Have the good grace to be patient even when you smell a rat.
Do not show your hand too soon.
Not every situation requires explanation, defense or full disclosure. At the particular point you notice it I mean.
Understand your spouse. Know them to the best of your ability. Just try is all I am saying.
A wise man once told me, ” marriage is to be endured to be enjoyed .”
Marriage, like any worthwhile endeavor, takes effort, commitment and sacrifice.
I close with a few lines I picked off a mates’ Facebook thread:-
“The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws.
That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they are out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness’ sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, its seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship.”
Lovealways!
She died quite tragically over a decade ago.
Quite literally in my arms. The details; I choose to have selective amnesia about. Suffice it to say that her passing was tragic. In deed and indeed.
What I can tell you about her though, is that she was slim. Lithe. Yet well-endowed. The compound adjective a couple of words back, only obvious to one other person alive, apart from Zainab…and maybe the persons that performed her final bathing (Islamic) rites.
The thing about Zainab was convoluted. she was larger than life. You only needed to see her once, you would remember her forever. I knew her better than most.
I have been out of town a few days now. Just flew in hours ago.
For security reasons, I cannot say where I have been. She died in that town. The town had roads, alleys, streetlights, and people though. If that helps.
I am bit of a fitness nut, so every evening at about 8 p.m, I would take brisk thirty-minute walks.
I have been away since Thursday. I commenced my ‘spirited’ routine on Friday.
Yesterday, as the days before, I had just jogged across a busy road, rife with unreasonable motorists, kept the pace under a flyover, scanned my right for oncoming traffic in a microsecond, and covered that road in a few seconds. i decelerated into my power-walk as soon as my Nike’s touched the sidewalk.
I had by now approached a hard right, so I slowed. The second I turned the corner, my hairs prickled. Maybe it was because the street was dark? No! Something was off. I slowed even more and narrowed my eyes as my visual purple readjusted slowly to the poor lighting.
Then I saw her. Walking just in front of me. I know Zainab’s sashay. I know that plain, white t-shirt. I knew that black skirt and the way she wore her braided hair. Above all, my nose knows. It never fails me. I know that particular whiff of Gold Oudh…it was made specifically for her. It is not commercially available.
Light-headed and hyperventilating, I walked on, following. She was about two meters ahead and turned right suddenly. I was at that intersection in about three seconds.
It was a dead end! My original path lay ahead. i halted and stared in awe,
‘Zee?’ I remember calling out. her fragrance still hung heavy in the one meter by one meter dead end.
Nothing. Zilch.
I slowly turned back the way I came.
And for the first time in twenty three years, and finally, I wept for Zainab. I mourned her passing finally.
R.I.P Zee…
I don’t know what yesterday was about Zee, but, I see you.
