In Love & In Lust

Spread delectably before him
They love; no restrictions, no taboo
No matter the matter, no excuses
His advancements meet warm lubrication.

I love the way your hands touch me
I love watching you touch you
You make me scream… goosebumps…
Reckless abandon, sweet disposition
We have pure magic, you and I.

You say “I love you” repeatedly
So I call you royalty, my king
You aid me, you abet me
So I am loyal, respectful and kind
You are sensual beauty, intelligence and wit
You are the best… You are mine!


What Happens On The HASH… (In Honour Of AH3 18TH ANNIVERSARY)

I just met her.
Adele – kinda woman. Yes, she sings too.
Quiet. Too quiet actually.
But the eyes behind those spectacles…they spoke volumes to me… Within seconds I knew a lot …
She wrote this story.
I connected with its plot and I will try to give you a wider perspective…

{Beyond Redemption:

There she lay on her back, her body rocking as the man went in and out of her, sweating and panting as
though he was doing a 10 kilometre run. He was pot-bellied and greying already. He was definitely way older than her friend Susan had told her…

… Disgusted could not explain how she felt at the moment. She was irritated, not just at the man but mostly at her self and maybe life. As if life had not been cruel enough to take her parents away, she had had to drop out of school to fend for her siblings…

… Why had she agreed to this? Why had she come here? She knew it was definitely going to end in this, yet she came. She had had no plans to sleep with this man,,, so what made her leave her house to come see him? …

… She blinked away the tears gathering in her eyes… 

… So why on Earth did she stay back after realising her mistake in coming..? ‘Maybe he’d be the type that just wanted company and not sex…

… The love and tenderness with which he spoke to his daughter. What would this man think of her tomorrow? A prostitute? 
Definitely! Who else would readily sleep with someone old enough to be their father.. Someone they did not even know…

‘… Jane, you’re a prostitute’, she told herself. 
‘A shameless one’…

… She had never felt this rotten in her miserable life. This was not living, was it? She was merely existing…

… There she was in bed naked with a pot-bellied old man grunting on top of her. She had refused to kiss him as much as he tried to force his mouth upon hers. She couldn’t bear the mouth odour touching her lips
This was what she had brought upon herself. And what was all this worth?
And to think they never even talked about money before the sex. So she had no idea if he would even give her some cash when they, rather when he was done…

… “Oh God!”, She wept. “How did I fall so below your Grace? How did it get this bad?” 
She remembered when she was eleven singing in the church choir. How amazing it had felt being in God’s presence. Now she couldn’t even remember the last time she had prayed let alone been in a church. 
What had her life become?

… She was drawn out of her thoughts when she felt him jerk and grunt louder..
“Oh thank jeez” The torment was finally over. 
He rolled over and fell asleep immediately his back hit the bed. She stared at his huge stomach and resentment washed over her. 
She wept more… Totally ashamed of herself. She picked her clothes off the floor and slowly dressed up. Trying as much as possible not to wake him up, she quietly snuck out of the bedroom into the sitting room…

… There she crumpled to the floor and wept bitterly, knowing that no matter how much time passed or how many lifetimes she found herself in, this dirt would forever be etched in her mind. She was tainted for all eternity…}

I work hard.
I earn every penny I spend.
City to city. Select destinations around the world. It’s never pleasure. Just business. I know I should relax. Doc says my blood pressure is too high…that he would have me rest…
Well… I will rest when I die.

I prefer to be alone. It’s easier frankly. Women are convoluted… Making money is my mistress.

So I am in Keffi, Nasssarawa state of Nigeria at the moment. I am passing through to Jos, Plateau state.
The fuel scarcity is brutal. My driver drops me off at a lodge called Minki, and then heads of to adorn the long chain of vehicles queuing up for petrol.

The hotel is okay. I sit by the pool and sip on a generous serving of Campari.

I strike up a conversation with a young lady close by. Her name is Susan. She is a student at the University in Keffi. She is about Maya’s age. I have about thirty – five years on the child.

That’s why it was funny when she started flirting with me. She was not my type and I told her so. We drank and talked for a while. The liqueur loosened my tongue and my usually strict code of ethics.

She had a friend I would like, she said. What room was I in?
The friend arrived an hour later. Emboldened and suitably intoxicated I started to undress her.
She would suffice.

Her breasts were rather small.
I was grossed out by the hair under her armpits, only because they smelled stale.
She was unshaved down there too… Hairy legs further down.
Her belly was my worst problem. It was a pot belly. It’s protrusion exceeded the protuberances of her breasts. I hate that in a woman. Especially if you’re not a mother of four kids and above. You belly should be largely flat otherwise!

Her redeeming features were her stunningly beautiful face and large buttocks. Trim waist.

That stomach though! Suck it up!!


She’s quite lacklustre in the sack. She will not kiss me. She is unbelievably naive.
And she starts to weep tight – lipped.
I cannot wait to get this over with. A waste of my time and money.

But I realize that I feel something. I feel like I understand her plight. I can empathize.
She clearly did not want to be here. She was getting no pleasure.

All she probably needed was some money.
All she probably wanted was (maybe) my benevolence. All she probably desired was a functional father /parent.

As I climax I reason that I will invite her to accompany me onwards to Jos. I want to hear her story.

I am rich.

I will help her out, I can afford it a hundred million times over.

If I figure she is a mere hustler, I will simply make it worth her while.

I am a chronic insomniac. But I feign sleep immediately.
My heart breaks as I hear her whimpering beside me.
I feel her leave the bed and the rustle of fabrics let me know she is dressing up. I listen to hear if she would try to steal from my wallet on the table.

Instead I hear her sobbing softly from the other room.

I then decide that I will become her benefactor.

I will take care of her. She is a true victim.

I will marry her.
It has been too long since Hannah died anyway.

How To Help Your Erection

I have always thought the worst of aphrodisiacs. Did not even believe they worked.
I now believe.
Trust me, they work. I staunchly refuse to go into any details of my new – found certainty. Well, maybe someday soon.
Part of that journey exposed me to the fact that most men are consistently ingesting these sex aids. They come in tablets, pills, roots, herbs, potions and elixirs.
The psychological dependence on these aphrodisiacs trouble me. Luckily I found the article below online, and in my usual benevolence, decided to share.
It’s a list of stuff that will pique your interest. Read and learn my friends…

(Originally published as :- THE 13 WORST FOODS FOR YOUR ERECTION)

In terms of performance, it’s been said that the penis has a mind of its own. That doesn’t mean you can’t give it some brain food. And on the flip side, certain foods and drinks can have been shown to impair male sexual performance by either directly or indirectly messing with hormone levels. The penis is dependent on testosterone to function properly, and anything that lowers the ‘T’ can lower the ‘D’ .

The 13 foods and drink below are among the worst cockblockers.

1. SOY

If date night regularly includes sushi, order your appetizer wisely. A study out of Harvard School of Public Health found just a half serving of soy per day was enough to slash sperm count by 40 percent in healthy males. Large amounts of soy can drastically reduce testosterone, according to a study in theEuropean Journal of Clinical Nutrition; researchers found that men who had 120 mg of soy a day saw the decrease.


There’s a reason why “white bread” is an insult. Eating too many simple carbs can lead to weight gain, and increased body flab has been shown to raise a man’s estrogen levels and lower testosterone. According to a University of Buffalo study printed in the journal Diabetes Care, 40 percent of obese participants had lower-than-normal testosterone readings.


This is no surprise, but there’s science behind it. Alcohol desensitizes you and slows reaction time, and binge drinking can affect hormone levels. According to a report inStrength and Conditioning Journal, researchers say that guzzling the alcohol equivalent of five or more drinks appears to suppress the production of testosterone. Smaller doses (one to two drinks) appear to have little or no immediate effect on testosterone. So keep things moderate: Two drinks a day.


Whenever you’re adding the protein-rich benefits of red meat to your diet, always choose grass-fed beef. The typical farmed variety is often fed artificial hormones and antibiotics, which can cause a disruption in testosterone levels.


Water isn’t the culprit here; it’s the plastic bottle. Bisphenol A, commonly referred to as BPA, is a chemical component found in most plastic food containers and cans that’s associated with negative impacts on fertility in both men and women. A Slovenian study in the journal Fertility & Sterility found a statistically significant association between urinary BPA concentration in men and lower total sperm count, concentration and vitality. And a study out of Harvard School of Public Health found women with the highest BPA levels in the body produced 27 percent less viable eggs.


Could Spaghetti-O’s could be getting in the way of your O? Maybe. Canned soups and meals are notoriously high in dietary sodium (a can of Spaghetti-O’s has 1780 mg—as much as 10 bags of Doritos!), which can lead to elevated blood pressure and diminished blood flow to certain parts of the body, including the genitals.


According to a study published in the Central European Journal of Urology, researchers found that high fructose corn syrup — the dietary villain that’s attracted all the wrong kind of attention these days because it’s the main sweetener in soda — increased the risk of erectile dysfunction, because it raises cholesterol levels and damages the arteries in the penis.


When you’re buying fish, always opt for wild over farmed, which is often packed with contaminants. Analyzing 700 salmon bought in stores from Edinburgh, Scotland to Seattle, Washington, a team led by Ronald Hites, PhD, of Indiana University, found that the farmed product contained up to 8 times more PCBs—cancer-causing industrial chemicals that were banned in 1979—than the wild variety. Other chemicals found in farmed fish include dioxins from herbicides (the most famous being Agent Orange). Exposure to PCBs and dioxin has been linked to lower T levels.


Not only is microwavable popcorn one of the 8 Foods Most Likely to Cause Cancer, it’s bad for your erection as well. The culprit in both cases: The lining of the bag. Conventional microwave-popcorn bags are lined with perfluorooctanoic acid (PFOA), also called C8. High levels of PFOA exposure have been linked to lower testosterone levels.


Processed meats contain high levels of saturated fats and cholesterol, which clog the penile arteries, because they’re small and quickly collect plaque.


Cheese is one of the foods highest in saturated fat, which can lead to arterial blockage. And when it comes to both milk and cheese, cows are often fed artificial hormones that have been shown to cause endocrine disruption. In a University of Rochester study published in the journalHuman Reproduction, men who consumed more dairy products had “significantly” less motile sperm than those who consumed less.


With it comes to refined carbs and cheese, pizza is double trouble for your erection. According to a Harvard study, it’s the second-highest contributor to saturated fat intake in America. If you want to completely kill your erection, order a Meat Lover’s Pizza (see #10) and don’t be surprised if that’s the only loving you get tonight.

13. MINT

A study printed in the journal Phytotherapy Research found that spearmint can significantly reduce levels of testosterone, a hormone that plays a big role in libido. In a separate study published in the journalUrology, researchers gave one group of rats water and the others peppermint tea. Ultimately, the rats who drank the tea had lower levels of T. If you like the occasional cup of mint tea, don’t swear off the stuff; just consume it in moderation.

Credits :

Should You Pay For Sex?

And it came to pass that yours truly,  in compliance with his job description, was posted out to one of the many states in Nigeria.
Forgive the ambiguity. Security reasons.

As the job (unofficially) demands, the powers that be by the powers vested in them by their offices, desired female entertainment.
The onus thereupon fell upon my righteous soul, to cater within the confines of morality, and the existing legislature of the land to accommodate and make possible the said female entertainment.

I liaised.
I conferred.
I reconnected.
I negotiated.
Then I delivered. Yet not I alone!
No my friend, I am not trying to pass blame or share it. A million times no! Here’s why I say we were and not that I was…

When I got back to the opulent lobby of my suite, they were all seated. And there were new faces with them.

Time check, 10:46 pm.

Free facts; a vast array of liquor and a wide assortment of delicacies.

Yes Tommy there was roasted chicken. And yes Tommy, it was peppery. Yes Tommy, just like you like it.

Forgive me friends, my family is ‘complicated’.

The new faces were all beautiful. They were all seductively dressed. They all smelled like an amalgamation of pilfered and then poorly packed perfumes.
It was a lovely and pleasant-smelling atmosphere.

The lush sofas were arranged to circle a low and long tempered glass center table. Ornate, beautiful furniture. Obviously imported from Asia. I do not know how I know this exactly, I just do.

And I knew immediately that I had been set up.

She was built just like I like my women.
And coincidentally the sofa she was sitting in had the only free space left… Hehehe… I lowered my tired self beside her. Smiled broadly and introduced myself.

Her name is Timi. (no Einstein, it is not her real name! From her to me; or from me to you!!)

Introductions were mildly shouted over the cacophony of MTV Base, phone calls, conversion, laughter, et al.

And so I poured myself a bit of bottled water on the rocks (the “no Einstein…” premise as interjected above still obtains here…) and settled down to commence small talk with this ‘unholy set-up’.

Her eyes were jaded.
Don’t get me wrong, they looked alright. But I’ve been here and there, I know torment and a homo sapien absent a soul when I see one.

In fact upon closer inspection I saw that I had been hasty with my accolades. She was what I call ‘F. F. F’…
Fine. From. Far.
Up close and personal, nah…

“I can show you a good time” she quoted by rote.
I smiled thinly in reply.

“But you have to take care of your girl, yes?”

Of course. It’s my sole purpose of existence.

“How much? ” I hate beating about the bush. (Except when I care about you that is.)

“You are a chairman na, I’m just a poor student… You tell me”. She quipped ‘sultrily’.

You may be poor, but definitely greedy I remember thinking. And since I didn’t want to ultimately waste my time leading her on, I diplomatically informed her that I don’t pay for sex.

With a look of disdain she informed me that I was just a stingy man, the sort adept at using love to get sex for free.

My water on the rocks was starting to taste like water.

She then began to cast aspersions on the length and the health of my phallus. Basing her half – baked hypothesis on my 240-pound (muscular) frame.

“Everybody knows that big guys have small dicks!” This lady of easy virtue was a piranhaslashbarracuda!

Suitably tongue – lashed and unjustly emasculated, I quietly arose, picked up a bottle of my favorite water (yes water! What?!) and stepped out onto the porch. I gently pushed the sliding door shut.

I was pondering on why the Taj Mahal had no history of spectres and ghouls when I heard the door slide open, music, noise and her cheap fragrances assailed my senses banishing all my international musings.

“I’m sorry sir. I didn’t mean what I said.”

I turned to face her. Shrugged and tried to dial my thoughts again.

“Peace offering?”

Smoked lion meat! Woman, please leave me alone!!

“I don’t smoke.” I replied instead.

“But it’s ‘S.K’!”

” I don’t smoke weed either Timi, thanks for offering though.”

“Why are you now making me feel like a sinner? You don’t pay, you don’t smoke, and now you don’t smoke S.K!”

(And I drink only water… Wink…)

I am no Saint. Truth be told, I don’t pay for sex because I truly believe that I should be the one getting paid for sex.

For starters I am good.

I court, woo and serenade you.

Then toil in wanton abandon till you reach your zeniths.

Then neglect to traumatize you by not explaining every time that “every male ejaculation, equals seven days nutrition’.

Then in post – coital bliss cuddle, snuggle and whisper sweet words of truth in your neck as I experience them right there. Reinforcing your sense of worth and belonging, lowering your anxieties and stress.

You whore…most likely never trafficked; not a victim of cruel injustice, blackmail, coercion, kidnap, sold or pimped out by your boyfriend, husband, family or parents… or irreversibly addicted to drugs … You are simply a victim of your greed, necessitated by wanting to live and achieve beyond your means overnight.

As long as you trade sex for cash or any other advantageous incentive… Then we are all prostitutes.

So, pray tell, why should I not place a premium on my sexual favors also? Why do you ascribe financial value to yours alone?

But I decided to be economical with my truths, and allow Proverbs 26:4 illuminate my path.

“Chic, I’m no saint” is all I said instead.

The Birth Control Pill Is Killing Women, But No One’s Warning Them Of The Risk

May 7, 2015 ( — The young newlywed put herself at risk for collapse, stroke, heart attack, and death every day when she popped her birth control pill. Tragically, she had no idea there was any danger. Even medical personnel thought her symptoms were no big deal, and on more than one occasion chalked her symptoms up to dehydration. They never told her it could be that her contraception was causing blood clots.

Her name was Kate. She was a 28-year-old business woman whose story is told in “What Every Woman Needs to Know about Blood Clots” posted on the National Blood Clot Alliance “Stop the Clot” website. Kate’s symptoms started while she was in Hawaii on her honeymoon. She suffered pain in her calf that was so intense it woke her up at night. She went to an orthopedic surgeon, who ordered scans, found no problems, and dismissed her. She forgot about it. Seven months later she passed out in an airport following a flight. Medical personnel said she was dehydrated. 

Completely unknown to her, Kate had developed deep vein thrombosis in her calf. From there, blood clots began breaking off and going to her lungs. These blood clots in the lungs, called pulmonary emboli, “can be life-threatening and in 10-15 percent of cases, cause sudden death,” according to Dr. Jack Ansell. Dr. Ansell is a hematologist and member of the National Blood Clot Alliance’s Medical & Scientific Advisory Board. The Alliance website goes on to quote Dr. Ansell: “The first sign of a PE can be death.”

Thanks to Kate’s mother, a nurse, who suggested that she might have pulmonary emboli, Kate got help and did not die. She caught it before it killed her. Many other women are not so lucky. They don’t learn the truth until it is too late.

The truth is, “(t)he relative risk for thrombosis in patients who take COCs [combined oral contraceptives] is three- to five-fold higher compared with that of nonusers.” Thrombosis means blood clots that can cause stroke, heart attack, blindness, brain damage, and death. Still, women are not warned about the risk of blood clots with their daily steroidal hormone pill. This is serious and senseless deception and negligence.

According to a Canadian Broadcasting Company report in June 2013, birth control pill manufacturer Bayer paid out in excess of $1 billion to settle thousands of birth control pill lawsuits in the United States. Those settlements were all related to two low-dose contraception pills, Yaz and Yasmin. At the same time, an investigation by the CBC revealed that pharmacists suspected the deaths of 23 Canadian women were attributable to those two same pills. 

Miranda Scott, only 18, was working out at the University of British Columbia gym when she fell over backward and died. Her autopsy showed that she died of blood clots throughout her body. She was taking Yasmin at the time of her death. Her mother is now part of a Canadian class action lawsuit against the drug manufacturer, along with hundreds of family members and women who have been harmed or killed by the pill. 

Yet, even as Bayer pays out huge settlements, it says it “stands by” its birth control products. Even Elizabeth Kissling, writing for the radical feminist magazine Ms, is troubled by the cover-up and lack of education and testing women are given before being prescribed the pill. 

“Today . . . young women are again dying from something purported to help them, something that affects mostly women. Thousands more are experiencing life-threatening, health-destroying side-effects, such as blindnessdepression, and pulmonary embolism,” Kissling said, citing accounts of young women who had suffered all these consequences. 

She referenced a first-person account posted on, that highlighted this shocking quote by a young woman who almost died from pulmonary embolism caused by her birth control pill. “‘Isn’t this bizarre?’ [the young woman] asked doctors in the hospital. They shook their heads and informed me that they regularly encountered otherwise healthy young women with blood clots, almost all caused by birth control.”

The pill kills truth. It exists and is prescribed to women amid a swirl of chaos; amidst contradictions and lies; and amidst dead, blind, and profoundly injured women. Prescribing doctors tell women birth control is perfectly safe if they don’t smoke. Emergency room doctors tell women they “regularly encounter otherwise healthy young women with blood clots, almost all caused by birth control.” Billions of dollars are paid out by drug companies to settle lawsuits, while they say they still stand by their contraceptive pills.

Women need to know. Join American Life League and a host of sponsors around the nation on June 6 to expose the lies and shine the light on the truth about the pill. For more information, visit our website,” 




10(-ish) Things 10 Women Wish Men Knew About Sex


First off, I confess that I am way out of my depth on this one.

For once though, I got the feeling that there were real feelings communicated to me. Leads me to believe that men have fallen short of several ‘glories’ severally.

The blatant honesty I got off my polls led me to change the format I originally intended.

I have left their responses as they were sent to me. Rough, rugged and raw.

I edited redundancies; I made a few interjections where I felt such additions would clarify the writers intentions. Finally typographical errors and a bit of grammar. But the entries are at least 95% original (as they were sent to me).

Citizens… Men of the earth… Gee’s and Gents alike… The Heathen and The Holy…
Ten (-ish) things ten women wish men knew about sex!

“L” Said;

1. Guys need to know how to turn their women on, it’s not all about “open lemme enter”.
2. It’s ok to be a ‘5-minute’ man sometimes, it’s not nice when the guy decides to “hold out” just to “claim” he’s a stallion.
3. Size isn’t all that matters, You can have the size but not use it well, guys need to know what gets their women off.

“Li” said;

1. You need to worship our bodies. No, I’m not asking you to perform ablution or sing a hymn before the act, but guys aren’t the only ones who like their ego stroked. Look at what we have laid out before you (or stood up or bent over), we really want you to look and appreciate it, before you begin. We might be shy or self conscious but we really want to show you, so make us comfortable enough to do so by appreciating the little we initially show. Don’t just turn out the lights, lift the nightgown and pump away. Also, me on my elbows and knees, naked and with my butt in the air is awkward enough, that’s not the time to point out my stretch marks. No “observations” at that time.
2. That having been said, women aren’t always warm and mushy and all about the “love making”, sometimes we just want to be… *ahem*, what four letter words can I use here? Anyway, sometimes we need you to let yourself go and ravish us. We want to know that we have that effect on you, that we can turn you from the suit wearing debonair to a horny cave man. So once in a while, literally carry your woman off from whatever she was doing, if you’re strong enough throw her over your shoulder (watch her head), take her inside (or outside, you degenerate, you!) And just have her.
3. Touch, touch, touch! We know you’re in the zone and want to bump uglies post haste but women like to be touched. Not just her boobs or between her legs. Touch her legs, her thighs, her waist, her tummy. Run your hands (lightly, please, she’s not a ball of Eba*) over her entire body. There are specific erogenous zones, but when a woman is aroused even her hair wants to be touched. There is a caveat here, though: if she’s Black, be very tentative about touching the hair and retreat the minute she gives you ‘the look’, men have lost arms for less.
4. Very important: our jaws hurt when we’ve been giving you head for a while, so unless you’re sleeping with a porn star or its your birthday please be merciful and pull your woman up after a while. For karma. Someone will do it for your sister (or daughter)someday.

“C” said;

I wish he knew that emotion comes first before sex.

“A” Said;

1. for my man or any man….dat sex is not about them but us.
2. If i don’t like something, u shouldn’t insist on it for your pleasure and vice versa except by choice of d person who dislikes.
3. A change of scenery and environment,  time, anything is essential to keep sex alive… Same of same does not work….especially if its working for just u.

“Ch” Said;

1. Being sensitive without my telling him what to do (For) e.g. not suckling one breast for too long leaving the other jealous.
2. Being creative and adding new skills. 3. Learning to climax when I am set too.

“J” Said;

1. Sometimes my psyche needs to be stimulated more than my body to get me in d mood (do something nice and unexpected, play mind games; #wink#)
2. When he eventually finds that clit with his tongue (oh!) not finger,  he shld softly but firmly lick it up n down, round and round until I beg him to stop…….lol.
3. Will let u know when I think of number ‘3’.

“Ju” Said;

1. Foreplay very necessary! Not sharp- sharp (quick) one o. Prolonged (foreplay) not bad (at all): smile…
2. “BO” (body odour) and “MO” (mouth odour)nah. Turn off. Hygiene key!
3. Knowing sensitive areas is key for orgasm. (For) Some it’s the boobs, genital area bla bla bla… There shld be consideration in the “act”.

“E” Said;

1. For one, don’t try to do too much all at once…everything just seems confused.
2. Some of us like dirty talk…cos in that moment, it’s legal. so if you don’t know you better ask somebody…mhmmm?!
3. And finally, hmmm…I wish y’all knew you ought to take a shower cos d smell of sweat, instant turn off. goes for the mouth too….:roll:

“A” Said;

1. Every woman can tell when a man desires her by the way he looks at her and his gentle touch even when they pass by each other. When a woman knows she is wanted she looks forward to sex with him and creates the atmosphere for it because in the act of sex she gives all of herself to him which is what I believe her man would love.
2) A woman who is clear about what she wants for herself is greatly turned on by a man who isn’t insecure about her dreams and aspirations but supports them and goes out of his way to make them a reality and (thus) empowering her alongside. He becomes the man she goes to for everything including sex because in discussing matters that require intelligence which she is- intelligent, he stimulates her mind and that eventually translates to her body because the sight of her man brings her in tune with him. She reads his signals easily as she is a woman whose mind has been unraveled by her mind concerning what is of importance to her.

“R” Said;

A good header.

The women have spoken. Honestly, openly and I perceive, truthfully.

God bless women worldwide.

Lovealways ladies.

*Eba: is a staple food eaten in West Africa, particularly in the Southern parts of Nigeria made from cassava (manioc) flour, known in West Africa as Gari

10 Things Men Wish Women Knew About Sex

I have always been committed to traumatising the prudes amongst us.

I belong to a school of thought that ties a lot to the beautiful art (and act) of sex. We think it is the answer to a lot of things.


Well, whilst conducting routine research, I stumbled upon this post. “Why hoard these nuggets of wisdom?” I thought to myself.
And benevolently and magnanimously decided to share (and maybe traumatise) you with them.

As always, #caveatuploadingdisclaimerinsertedhere# the following nuggets are for the consumption of readers aged eighteen (18) and above. And though I didn’t write… Blah, blah blah…

“Freud called female sexuality “the dark continent”; if that’s true, male sexuality could qualify as the dark planet. But when it comes to sex, guys are simple, right? Not true. The bedroom is one of the great stages of male performance, and as such, what you see and hear is typically the role, not the reality. It’s no wonder, in trying to please the actor, a woman loses sight of a guy’s true identity. Here are 10 “unmasking” facts you may want to know:

1. We respond to praise.
It’s believed that men are so consumed by our libido that we have no self-consciousness surrounding sex. But men are no different from women when it comes to compliments as catalysts for sexual confidence. This praise can be delivered before reaching the bedroom (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look), and after (give us the once-over and tell us how buff we look naked). Along those lines, men worry about the size of their guts (and other measurable organs), their hair (or lack thereof) and other attributes. Try to be extra affirming about those sensitivities.

2. We fear intimacy…
…but not for the reason you think! Studies have shown that boys are more affectionate, even more expressive, than girls until they reach school age. At that time, social repression begins — of words, thoughts, feelings — and our desire for human connection goes underground. So taboo is this desire for intimacy that its possibility can terrify men — not because it’s smothering, but because we realize how desperate we are for it. What’s a woman to do? First, understand that your guy’s hasty retreat post-sex may be about his own shock at how much he craves a connection with you (and how much he’s denied it in life). Then, retreat a little yourself. This gives him time to see that his boyhood habits are, in fact, perfectly manly.

3. We appreciate sex for sex’s sake.
Having said that about intimacy, sometimes a little “throw-me-down sex” is the right medicine. According to Joe Kort, PhD, a psychotherapist and sexologist, “Men want their wives to enjoy raw sex, not just endure it or take it personally. For men, it’s not about dominating a woman, but ravishing her.” On occasion, try letting him ravish you.

4. We are not just our…
The penis gets all the press, but men have “many erogenous zones,” says psychologist Melodie Schaefer, PsyD. “Men tend not to correct women because they’re afraid women will shut down and not touch them at all. But there are many places a woman should touch.” Like the chest, the inner thighs and face. Two other key areas: Gently gripping a man’s testicles can be a real turn-on, as it blends control with release. Also, stimulating the perineum, the area between the scrotum and anus, will heighten pleasure during oral sex.

5. We encourage fantasies.
“Men want to share their fantasies but worry their wives will shame or judge them,” says Dr. Kort. Dr. Schaefer also reports that men wish women would reveal theirs. Want to open yourself to these possibilities? Try making a game of it. First, and most important, promise not to judge the other; then, privately write out scenarios that have tantalized you and place them in a box. When you are next intimate, pull one out. If you’re both comfortable, give it a shot. If not, Dr. Kort recommends asking the author a key question: What about this fantasy do you like? Sometimes, its themes can be addressed in different, more comfortable scenarios.

6. We like it when you talk.
Talking during sex stimulates more than our ears. What kind of talk? Dirty, praising and instructive are great starts. As amusing as it may sound, a woman’s words can make a guy feel as potent and virile as a Roman gladiator, even if he’s a suburban banker.

7. We need your honesty. 
Sex can solve the stresses of a relationship, but it’s often where the stresses show up. If we complain about a lack of sex (or that you only do certain things on our birthday), we may be overlooking serious issues that underpin such withholding. We need you to enlighten us. The male ego is often tied to sex, so it’s easy for us to dismiss bedroom problems as female disinterest rather than issues we have a part in. Avoiding these problems, however, only perpetuates your feeling unseen and our frustration.

8. We enjoy the dance.
Men like a good quest; unfortunately, these days, there are so few. But romance earns that distinction. Allow us to court you; make us deserve your desire. Dr. Kort makes an additional point: “Emotional intimacy is about closeness, but sustaining sexual desire demands a certain amount of distance.” How do couples strike this tricky balance? By allowing each partner to have what he calls “separate sexuality”: a sexual life that doesn’t include, but doesn’t betray, the other. “For him, that might mean allowing his wife to use toys or letting other men look at her; for her, it might be permitting him to watch pornography in order to experience a fantasy.” Such indulgences help maintain the balance of desire and devotion for both parties.

9. We can explain pornography.
Finding a spouse using pornography is a top reason couples seek counsel, says Dr. Kort, but it shouldn’t be overreacted to or pathologized. A few things to clear up: 1. Sex addicts represent only 4 percent of the population, so it’s unlikely your partner is one. 2. Because childhood experiences influence sexuality as an adult, people are very idiosyncratic about what turns them on. In other words, says Dr. Kort, “no woman can, nor should she, be everything to a man.” Still, the question remains: How does a woman not take pornography personally? First, determine if your mate is compulsive, or can only have sex, with pornography. If so, you may want to seek counseling. If not, Dr. Kort recommends taking the secrecy out of pornography by discussing it. Use the lens of “what about it turns him on versus what turns you off.” That way, a dialogue is created that allows for honesty, dignity and closeness.

10. We always need it, but not for the reason you think.
Men are accused of being sexually insatiable, but women should rethink this. “Men see sex as a celebration,” says Dr. Schaefer. “They wish women would take more of a ‘carpe diem’ approach to it. We move through life at the speed of sound, with multiplying challenges and pressures. It’s easy to allow demands on our time and energy to rob us of the joy, pleasure and opportunity that sex affords us. On the long list of priorities, it should not be on the bottom rung.” If that doesn’t make you want to “seize the day” (or something else), consider the health benefits: Orgasms release oxytocin, which has been called the “bonding hormone,” bringing couples closer together while it alleviates anxiety and stress, reduces blood pressure and promotes healing.”

Brendan Tapley.