The ‘What If?’ Series. (Dan-ifying The Biblical Adam & Eve)

I would like to tell you a story.

First off, forget all you think you know about the story.

The Story is set in eternity. I would not dare to add or subtract from The Truth.

But I am compelled to entertain you. I am obligated to open up the eye of your understanding.

As always, embedded in all I will ever write; exist ‘gates’.

If you know, you know.

Once upon a time there was one made in the likeness of the Author and Finisher. (This is how I was told the story began.)

He that was newly created, he was alone. Not lonely.

He traversed the length and breadth of his dominion.

The story says that he had been commissioned to name all things; animals, plants et al.

He was a maverick. He was a pioneer. He was was a (Before Christ) Tarzan.

In short, he was badass!

Original badass!

Now El Shaddai ran a few algorithms. In His brilliance, He deemed it fit to make a Help Meet for Badass.

And then voila! there was this hottie at the whim… The caprices of Badass.

Let us be real for a bit… We are all adults here.

Fellas back me up on this;

A virgin.

Younger than you are.

Totally ignorant and largely naive.

And lest I forget, perpetually naked.

Yes naked.

As was he… Bad-assery!

Keeping it real… This was the first recorded insinuation of sex.

This was also in that year when men lived to be hundreds of years old.

Can you imagine the libido in that dominion?!

The unmitigated and uncensored lust!!

Their eagerness. Their dedication. Their devotion. The love!

They must have tormented the animals incessantly. Their ruckus most likely made primates cover their eyes and ears in embarrassment.

He was whipped

She was dick-matized.

They were in a utopian euphoria of some sort.

Inseparable.

In the version of this story, (the story that was told to me and I am telling you), one day Badass stumbled on the devil weasling around The Forbidden Tree.

Of course he had his bride… woman, queen, sex slave etc in tow.

Hey… She must have been gobsmacked by Badass.

Inseparable.

And then the devil sold his lies convincingly.

And Badass nodded in permission to his Help Meet.

Whereupon she hurriedly picked /collected / harvested / plucked a fruit off of The Forbidden Tree.

Eve? In that era and dispensation? Dare leave her protector / husband / lord / new-found lover??

And dare to strike conversation with any other thing without his say so?

Impossible!

Rubbish!

According to the way that the story was told to me of course…

According to the story, the one I was told, Badass instructed his woman to eat of it. And then he ate.

Help Meet was old-school; loyal, graceful, obedient, wise and respectful. She backed up her man’s story. She did not let him down.

From the sentencing all the way to banishment she refused to snitch.

Of course Tsidkenu knew exactly what Badass was doing. He was not deceived. But He saw them as one. A few centuries later He would allow the ‘untimely’ death of a couple. They lied to an apostle about proceeds from land sold.

Rohe would not interfere in the affairs of man without requisite invitation though. So He did what He had to do. This version of the story agrees with the original one.

No… That was not Freudian. I slipped for a reason.

She lost her home, her comfort zone, her security. She was cursed alongside her man and she served her time with dignity, style and grace.

That woman was certainly ‘ride or die’.

Wife-material!

Ahem! The above is exactly the way the story was told to me of course… Hehehe…

The story goes on to reveal that Help Meet may have been less educated than Badass. And so there exists Badass’ version of this same story that is popular and well accepted. And original.

No… That was not Freudian. I slipped right on point.

And so my friends, I have come to the end of the story that I was told.

If I ever hear another story I deem worth your time, I will tell it.

You may leave your comments on this blog.

Thank you.

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Godling (1)

Everything happens in, and for a season

Every word for a reason.

Loyalty, I fear, is a an expensive tradeoff

Apportion trust deliberately thereof.

Protect yourself at all times

Against love, religion – all the sublimes!

To be forewarned is but divine courtesy

Lips ultimately leak evil you cannot see.

Even if you currently have no clue

Read again, and glean a truth or two.

The ‘What If?’ Series. (Dan-ifying The Biblical Enoch) 

Saw this meme and stuff got funny in my head. 

(Hehehehe, what’s new dude?) 
Naturally, I enjoyed several spectra of alternate reasonings on the robust plethora of outcomes, explanations and conjecture. 

I can share one of those ‘alternate reasonings’ with you if you want? 

Yes? 

Aiight… I will. 

Good thing you want to hear it, because the other ‘reasonings’ will have me precariously perched on the precipice of Apostasy. Or is it Heresy? 

Sigh… Note to self, Google the difference! ASAP dude!! 

Asiwassaying… 

Enoch did not die because he was God’s friend. 

I know the meme was about Methuselah, but…actually… but nothing! 

It’s my blog, my random (albeit nearly heretic) musings, and my…my…my everything! 

Deal with it!

Asiwassaying…

They were very close. They spent hours chatting and talking mostly about everything Enoch knew; (and I suspect) infinitesimally little about what God knew. 
Let me just say it out without fear or favour, Enoch was probably God’s first Best Friend Forever!  

Too Apostasy-ish? 

Check this out then:- even the Grim Reaper recognized that Enoch was God’s BFF and wisely gave Enoch a wide berth-harvesting other souls instead. Let me put this point in a human – relatable perspective for you; think about and recognise how careful the average American/America is around Chelsea Clinton? Or how Al Capone’s son in-law must have been on his best behaviour whilst the godfather was alive? 

I also imagined another matter; that so robust was their friendship, that God ‘forgot’ to allow him die. 

Proof? 

Here, 

“And all the days of Enoch were three hundred sixty and five years: [24] And Enoch walked with God: and he was not; for God took him.” 

(Genesis 5:23-24).

Uhmmmm, just in case you are that uhmmmm…unknowing, the reference is from the Holy Bible. Just in case. 

I imagine that after a long time spent talking with Enoch one day. After a flurry of particularly spiritual and intellectually stimulating conversation with Enoch God got up and suggested, 

“Come Enoch, walk me home. We can continue this conversation all the way to my place”

Bearing in mind that it is not everyday God invites you to his house, Enoch probably replied, 

“Yes Lord.”

And then,“he (Enoch) was not; for God took him.”


A Woman’s Greatest Mistake

This piece is largely “a note to self”.

If you are male, kindly substitute gender and references as appropriate.

I stumbled on the writer online. Her words resonated on many levels.

I have tried to leave the manuscript as close to the original as possible. Alas, my arrogance bade me to perform rudimentary editing.

There are salient messages for women in here. For once, feel free NOT to leave a comment.

This is a public service.

This is simply correspondence that coincides with my current trend of thought.

A WOMAN’S GREATEST MISTAKE!

Honestly a woman’s greatest mistake in a relationship is letting her man find another woman to treat him the way he feels he needs to be treated.

Very often we get carried away in our relationships worrying about all of the things our men aren’t doing or are doing wrong. Forgetting to consider those things we as women are not doing or doing wrong in the relationship, which may or may not have caused the misbehaviour/ complaints we have about them.
It is sometimes like the case of the chicken and the egg, which came first? Is his behaviour as a result of your mistakes or he is just misbehaving because that is how he is?
This is a question we women tend to omit when there is a row in our relationships. We forget Newton’s law that says “to every action there is an equal reaction” also applies to our relationships.

So the next time you are carrying on and on about what your man is or has done wrong, I’ ll suggest you stop for a moment to consider what you might or not have done to trigger his reactions.
Another mistake we make is going into a new relationship with a ‘Blue Print’ on how we want our man to be like, look like, eat like, smell like, dress like, sleep like, speak like and even sometimes to think like!

We set up a standard in our heads that no human being can meet up with, without realising it.
And then when there are arguments because the poor feller is disappointing us by not being the way we expected or wanted him to be, our thoughts and emotions automatically slips into a turmoil. Putting a lot of restraints and unnecessary pressure on the relationship.
If you are lucky to have a man who is emotionally matured and strong enough to wait around to work and walk you through your misconceptions and unattainable expectations, then there could still be hope for your relationship. This is often times not the case because most men would not wait around to develop hypertension because of a woman.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying a girl shouldn’t have a standard, but please set realistic standards and go into a relationship with an open mind because then there would be no grave disappointments.
(And if) you both have any incompatibility that is crucial for the survival of the relationship, it will be easier and less painful to detect. Saving you both time and emotional disturbances.
Another mistake we make is loving our men the way we want to be loved but not the way he wants to be loved.

Yes you heard me right!
The problem is that most us have developed a fantasy of how a man should show us love, based on reading too many romance novels and watching too many western romantic films that are mostly fictional and based on a writer’s fantasy in another continent. Where their traditions and culture are different from ours. We expect cakes, roses and candlelight dinners during courtship in a country where roses are imported, where cake is not our local snack and candles are used either for praying or to see in the dark after ‘NEPA’ takes the light!

What am trying to say is that love doesn’t have to materialise itself like it is described in Mills and Boons or any of these other books and movies.

According to relationship Guru Gary Chapman, there are five Love Languages. In his book; How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. He explains that these 5 love languages are:
Gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch (intimacy).

Everyone of us identifies love through one or more of these languages. And so will only want to receive love in those languages.
So what this means is that people should not use the love languages that they like the most but rather the love languages that their loved ones can receive.
Each person is said to have one primary and one secondary love language. Chapman suggests that to discover a love language, one must observe the way he expresses love to others.
Women, analyse what your man complains about most often, and what he requests from you most often.
People tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love. It is best to find out your partner’s love language so as to be able to love him duly.

Chapman suggests that people’s love languages do not change over time, but instead develop and need to be nurtured in different ways.
So if your partner is one that is touchy then you need to understand the best way to love him or her is to be regularly intimate with him/her.
If it’s gift that does the trick then come up with a way of fulfilling that wish.
If yours is all about how much they want to spend quality time with you then you know the best way to love them is to spend more time with them, not necessarily for sex but just time to be together.
And those whose love language is through words of affirmation, will always want to be told how much they are been loved, missed and appreciated.
So if you are not the expressive type and this is your partner ‘s love language, then I suggest you start working on how to get comfortable with words. Words don’t have to be spoken, they can also be written.
For those who’s love language is in the act of service (devotion). Be ready to be there for him/ her whenever needed. This are men and women we often tag ‘needy’.
The best love language they understand is when there partners are physically and mentally ready to help solve their problems, whether big or small.
So ladies, do not let another woman get to understand your man’ s love language before you. Show him love the way he understands it. And stop making the mistake of comparing your man to your ex or to your friends man or even to your father!

Love him for him so he can love you for you.

” you want to be you, so let me too be me ”

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