Heresy, Apostasy, And The Space Betwixt Them

Happy New Year!



I attend a vibrant pentecostal church. Tongue – talking, Spirit – filled, demon – chasing type of church.

We are mandated  to fast and pray during the last three days of every year. This year was no different.

I took it very seriously, 2016, I knew was going to be the best year of my life thus far. I could feel it, I just knew.
I actually fasted so I would make no mistakes administering the deluge of wealth and resources coming my way, I craved wisdom. I was fasting for wisdom. I already knew my 2016. I already have 2016!

2016 was my year. It is a year I’ve locked down well.

I took the fasting and prayer so seriously that I levied upon myself a three – day dry fast. No food, no water.

By the third day I was spirit. I was in the spirit and I moved thus.

Then I saw that I was sitting in plush looking car. The upholstery was exquisite. From the ambience I deduced that we were seated in a Rolls Royce, in a Ghost or Phantom.

Yes ‘we.’

He was seated facing me.

The devil.




Yes, the devil.

He was the epitome of impeccable taste and style.
Very dapper, very trendy 40-something year old.
Good looking dude too.
His expensive-smelling perfume caressed my nostrils pleasantly.

“I’m tired of it all. I don’t even know how it got this bad!”

“Who? What? ” I queried.

“God! This quarrel we have… I’m wrong, He’s right… I’m bad, He’s good… Sick of it! I accept!! I’m the bad one, I accept my faults… Punish me!!! ”

I had nothing, by way of reply.

“I just want a bit of peace. I’m tired of evil, or being blamed for it. I wish I could leave it all.”

“Why are you telling me all this? ” I asked.

What did Satan take me for? I had more carnal concerns. This issue, even in heaven would require the  intervention of very top management.

“Your spirit shone the brightest in this principality. You have been luminous almost three days now. It’s been years since I felt such faith! I had to come see.”


Okay. Uhmmmm, guess its not everyone that can impress the devil… thank you I guess?

He gazed at me for seconds, but they felt like hours.

I returned his scrutiny.

He embodied Masculine perfection.

He was telling the truth.

The father of all lies… Was telling the truth.
He was tired of fighting God. He wanted out. Retirement.


The lake of fire.


He was done being the devil.

“Then you must talk to Him. He is The Way, The Truth and The Life…” I counseled.

“I fear I have fallen from grace. I am cast down. I have lost my grace.” The devil gravely intoned.

“I know a way, but you sir, must do as I ask. I will act and talk but once… I need to be getting back.”

He was nodding his head in total agreement.
So I sat up, and the devil mirrored by movements thus closing the gap between us. I held out my hands and the devil clasped them.
So hand in hand with my eyes closed I instructed the devil to repeat after me.

“Dear God,
I come to You in the Name of Jesus. I admit that I am not right with You, and I want to be right with You. I ask You to forgive me of all my sins. The Bible says if I confess with my mouth that “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in my heart that God raised Him from the dead, I will be saved (Rom. 10:9). I believe with my heart and I confess with my mouth that Jesus is the Lord and Savior of my life. Thank You for saving me!
In Jesus’ Name I pray. Amen.”

And he did. The devil repeated after me.

Satan gave his life to Christ.

The devil had just accepted Jesus into his heart.

I had led Lucifer to Christ. He was now born again.

I felt everything spiritual grind to a halt. The atmosphere became thick, then crackle, then hurt like static electricity.

Painful. Unbearable. Pressure.


I was about to lead him to be filled with the Holy Spirit when I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I looked up into the softest, whitest, purest form of light and life.

The devil had the same glory and grace on either side. They were now holding him up.

Well done good and faithful servant… You are an heir… My son… ! You are a god.” The messenger spoke to and about me.

“May it be so, amen. ” I acquiesced.

And then in an instant the messengers took the devil to meet God.

In the same instant I was myself.

I pondered on many things.

Then I prayed that God forgive the devil and accept a prodigal son.



A Woman’s Greatest Mistake

This piece is largely “a note to self”.

If you are male, kindly substitute gender and references as appropriate.

I stumbled on the writer online. Her words resonated on many levels.

I have tried to leave the manuscript as close to the original as possible. Alas, my arrogance bade me to perform rudimentary editing.

There are salient messages for women in here. For once, feel free NOT to leave a comment.

This is a public service.

This is simply correspondence that coincides with my current trend of thought.


Honestly a woman’s greatest mistake in a relationship is letting her man find another woman to treat him the way he feels he needs to be treated.

Very often we get carried away in our relationships worrying about all of the things our men aren’t doing or are doing wrong. Forgetting to consider those things we as women are not doing or doing wrong in the relationship, which may or may not have caused the misbehaviour/ complaints we have about them.
It is sometimes like the case of the chicken and the egg, which came first? Is his behaviour as a result of your mistakes or he is just misbehaving because that is how he is?
This is a question we women tend to omit when there is a row in our relationships. We forget Newton’s law that says “to every action there is an equal reaction” also applies to our relationships.

So the next time you are carrying on and on about what your man is or has done wrong, I’ ll suggest you stop for a moment to consider what you might or not have done to trigger his reactions.
Another mistake we make is going into a new relationship with a ‘Blue Print’ on how we want our man to be like, look like, eat like, smell like, dress like, sleep like, speak like and even sometimes to think like!

We set up a standard in our heads that no human being can meet up with, without realising it.
And then when there are arguments because the poor feller is disappointing us by not being the way we expected or wanted him to be, our thoughts and emotions automatically slips into a turmoil. Putting a lot of restraints and unnecessary pressure on the relationship.
If you are lucky to have a man who is emotionally matured and strong enough to wait around to work and walk you through your misconceptions and unattainable expectations, then there could still be hope for your relationship. This is often times not the case because most men would not wait around to develop hypertension because of a woman.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying a girl shouldn’t have a standard, but please set realistic standards and go into a relationship with an open mind because then there would be no grave disappointments.
(And if) you both have any incompatibility that is crucial for the survival of the relationship, it will be easier and less painful to detect. Saving you both time and emotional disturbances.
Another mistake we make is loving our men the way we want to be loved but not the way he wants to be loved.

Yes you heard me right!
The problem is that most us have developed a fantasy of how a man should show us love, based on reading too many romance novels and watching too many western romantic films that are mostly fictional and based on a writer’s fantasy in another continent. Where their traditions and culture are different from ours. We expect cakes, roses and candlelight dinners during courtship in a country where roses are imported, where cake is not our local snack and candles are used either for praying or to see in the dark after ‘NEPA’ takes the light!

What am trying to say is that love doesn’t have to materialise itself like it is described in Mills and Boons or any of these other books and movies.

According to relationship Guru Gary Chapman, there are five Love Languages. In his book; How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. He explains that these 5 love languages are:
Gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service (devotion), and physical touch (intimacy).

Everyone of us identifies love through one or more of these languages. And so will only want to receive love in those languages.
So what this means is that people should not use the love languages that they like the most but rather the love languages that their loved ones can receive.
Each person is said to have one primary and one secondary love language. Chapman suggests that to discover a love language, one must observe the way he expresses love to others.
Women, analyse what your man complains about most often, and what he requests from you most often.
People tend to naturally give love in the way that they prefer to receive love. It is best to find out your partner’s love language so as to be able to love him duly.

Chapman suggests that people’s love languages do not change over time, but instead develop and need to be nurtured in different ways.
So if your partner is one that is touchy then you need to understand the best way to love him or her is to be regularly intimate with him/her.
If it’s gift that does the trick then come up with a way of fulfilling that wish.
If yours is all about how much they want to spend quality time with you then you know the best way to love them is to spend more time with them, not necessarily for sex but just time to be together.
And those whose love language is through words of affirmation, will always want to be told how much they are been loved, missed and appreciated.
So if you are not the expressive type and this is your partner ‘s love language, then I suggest you start working on how to get comfortable with words. Words don’t have to be spoken, they can also be written.
For those who’s love language is in the act of service (devotion). Be ready to be there for him/ her whenever needed. This are men and women we often tag ‘needy’.
The best love language they understand is when there partners are physically and mentally ready to help solve their problems, whether big or small.
So ladies, do not let another woman get to understand your man’ s love language before you. Show him love the way he understands it. And stop making the mistake of comparing your man to your ex or to your friends man or even to your father!

Love him for him so he can love you for you.

” you want to be you, so let me too be me ”

Credits :-


Five Lessons for Our Lives from the Parable of the Talents

Hugh Whelchel
March 14, 2013

How should Christians think about work, success, and wealth?

I was recently asked by byFaithmagazine to write an article answering these tough questions. As I thought about how to approach these topics, I realized the Parable of the Talents in Matthew 25:14-30 provides a helpful framework for thinking about them.

While we’ve talked a lot about this parable on the blog, but using it as a guide for these questions is unique. These five points are just a snippet of the full piece I wrote for byFaith, and I hope you’ll read the full article if you find what you read here edifying.

Without further ado, here are five lessons the Parable of the Talents can teach us about work, success, and wealth:

1. First, this parable teaches us that success is a product of our work.  

In the book of Genesis we see thatGod placed Adam in the garden to work it and take care of it. We were made to work. As Christians we have a mission that our Lord expects us to accomplish in the here and now.

Far too many evangelical Christians today see their salvation as simply a “bus ticket to heaven.” They believe it doesn’t matter what they do while they “wait for the bus.” The Parable of the Talents teaches us what we are supposed to do while we await the return of our King.

We are to work, using our talents to glorify God, serve the common good, and further God’s kingdom. Biblical success is working diligently in the here and now using all the talents God has given us to produce the return expected by the Master.

2. The Parable of the Talents teaches that God always gives us everything we need to do what he has called us to do.

Have you ever wondered what a talent is worth in today’s dollars? It is hard to know for sure, yet whatever its exact value, in the New Testament a talent indicates a large sum of money, maybe even as much as a million dollars in today’s currency.

We are tempted to feel sorry for the servant who received only one talent, but in reality he received as much as a million dollars from the master and buried it in his back yard. He was given more than enough to meet the master’s expectations.

Just as the master expected his servants to do more than passively preserve what has been entrusted to them, so God expects us to generate a return by using our talents towards productive ends. The servants were given enough to produce more – it is the same with the gifts God has given us. The Apostle Paul writes in Ephesians 2:10:

For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do. 

We seldom associate this verse with our work, but we should.

3. The Parable of the Talents teaches that we are not all created equal.

The most overlooked part of this parable is the second half of verse fifteen: the master gives to each servant talents, “…each according to his ability.” The master understood that the one-talent servant was not capable of producing as much as the five-talent servant.

We want to protest this as unfair. Yet we know this is true from our own experience. Diversity is woven into the fabric of creation.

But even though we’re not created equal in regard to the talents we’re given, there is equality found in the Parable of the Talents. It comes from the fact that it takes just as much work for the five-talent servant to produce five more talents as it does the two-talent servant to produce two more talents.

This is why the reward given by the master is the same. The master measures success by degrees of effort, as should we.

4. The Parable of the Talents teaches that we work for the Master, not our own selfish purposes. 

The money that is given to the servants is not their own. The money they earn with the capital is not theirs to keep. The servants are only stewards of the master’s investment, and it is the quality of their stewardship that the master seeks to measure.

We should maximize the use of our talents not for our own selfish purposes, but to honor God. We know that we work in a fallen world. Because of the curse of sin, our work will be difficult. But we should feel satisfaction and joy from doing our best with what God has given us in the place where his providence puts us, seeking to succeed in order to honor him.

5. The Parable of the Talents shows that we will be held accountable. 

The Parable of the Talents is not about salvation or works righteousness, but about how we use our work to fulfill our earthly callings. It is about whole-life stewardship, or “Stewardship with a capital ‘S‘.”

The unfaithful steward in this parable didn’t so much waste the master’s money – he wasted an opportunity. As a result, he was judged wicked and lazy. We are responsible for what we do for God with what we have been given, and one day we will be held responsible.

What we hear from the Master on that day is up to us.

This post was adapted from its original version appearing in the latest edition of byFaith magazine.

Do any of these lessons resonate ?  Please share your thoughts with us. Thank you.

Nigerian Banks Caught Defrauding Customers Billions With Black Market Rates

Nigerian banks under the watch of Godwin Emefiele-led Central bank have been caught defrauding customers to the tune of billions of dollars via illegal deductions on foreign transactions.


Since December 2014, Nigerian banks have charged customers hidden fees on single international ATM withdrawals that convert Naira at the Black market rate and widely above the official Central Bank conversion rate.

The Central bank assisted in this fraud by reducing the international withdrawal rates to a daily N60,000 cap or $300. With each withdrawal of a permitted $280 in cash obtained at the ATM, Nigerians are billed upwards of $319 from most Nigerian debit cards, a whopping $39 extra per withdrawal. In Naira, a withdrawal of N63,140 charged to the card gives $280 at the ATM. This $280, converted at the official CBN rate of N199/$ would be only N55,720. Which leaves an additional N7,420 to the banks per daily transaction. This amount does not include the international ATM transaction fee of N330, additionally billed. N7,420 extra on each withdrawal, divided at the official CBN rate = $38 seized. Banks list international ATM transaction fees as N420. This means, if the official fee is taken out, an additional N7000, about $35 is gulped by the banks per customer per daily transaction.



If the total withdrawal amount in Naira (N63,140) as at this Friday, is converted to the $280 received from the ATM, this converts at a rate of 225 Naira to the dollar which is the running Black market rate.


When a Nigerian customer dips in his card into the ATM, he sees his balance in dollars, which is the current CBN rate. When he withdraws $280 cash, his receipt and balance reflects $319 withdrawn!

Intentionally, the banks do not separate the charges on the receipts or account page to show what the conversion rate is and what their charge is. This act enables their fraud by making clients unable to determine the whopping percent of their money the banks are coveting and the fact that the banks are working at the Black market rate as against CBN regulations.

The $35/withdrawal is pocketed by the banks who buy dollars form the Apex bank at the official rate.

From all Nigerian customers using ATM cards in travel, for study or all other purposes abroad, the Nigerian banks are raking up millions of dollars daily converting at the Black market rate.

This discovery is just one more instance where the Central bank, managed by former Zenith bank chair, Godwin Emefiele is assisting Nigerian bank cabal extort the masses unknowingly to the tune of billions of Naira.

Dr. Peregrino Brimah; [Every Nigerian Do Something] Email: Twitter: @EveryNigerian

 – See more at:

How To Help Your Erection

I have always thought the worst of aphrodisiacs. Did not even believe they worked.
I now believe.
Trust me, they work. I staunchly refuse to go into any details of my new – found certainty. Well, maybe someday soon.
Part of that journey exposed me to the fact that most men are consistently ingesting these sex aids. They come in tablets, pills, roots, herbs, potions and elixirs.
The psychological dependence on these aphrodisiacs trouble me. Luckily I found the article below online, and in my usual benevolence, decided to share.
It’s a list of stuff that will pique your interest. Read and learn my friends…

(Originally published as :- THE 13 WORST FOODS FOR YOUR ERECTION)

In terms of performance, it’s been said that the penis has a mind of its own. That doesn’t mean you can’t give it some brain food. And on the flip side, certain foods and drinks can have been shown to impair male sexual performance by either directly or indirectly messing with hormone levels. The penis is dependent on testosterone to function properly, and anything that lowers the ‘T’ can lower the ‘D’ .

The 13 foods and drink below are among the worst cockblockers.

1. SOY

If date night regularly includes sushi, order your appetizer wisely. A study out of Harvard School of Public Health found just a half serving of soy per day was enough to slash sperm count by 40 percent in healthy males. Large amounts of soy can drastically reduce testosterone, according to a study in theEuropean Journal of Clinical Nutrition; researchers found that men who had 120 mg of soy a day saw the decrease.


There’s a reason why “white bread” is an insult. Eating too many simple carbs can lead to weight gain, and increased body flab has been shown to raise a man’s estrogen levels and lower testosterone. According to a University of Buffalo study printed in the journal Diabetes Care, 40 percent of obese participants had lower-than-normal testosterone readings.


This is no surprise, but there’s science behind it. Alcohol desensitizes you and slows reaction time, and binge drinking can affect hormone levels. According to a report inStrength and Conditioning Journal, researchers say that guzzling the alcohol equivalent of five or more drinks appears to suppress the production of testosterone. Smaller doses (one to two drinks) appear to have little or no immediate effect on testosterone. So keep things moderate: Two drinks a day.


Whenever you’re adding the protein-rich benefits of red meat to your diet, always choose grass-fed beef. The typical farmed variety is often fed artificial hormones and antibiotics, which can cause a disruption in testosterone levels.


Water isn’t the culprit here; it’s the plastic bottle. Bisphenol A, commonly referred to as BPA, is a chemical component found in most plastic food containers and cans that’s associated with negative impacts on fertility in both men and women. A Slovenian study in the journal Fertility & Sterility found a statistically significant association between urinary BPA concentration in men and lower total sperm count, concentration and vitality. And a study out of Harvard School of Public Health found women with the highest BPA levels in the body produced 27 percent less viable eggs.


Could Spaghetti-O’s could be getting in the way of your O? Maybe. Canned soups and meals are notoriously high in dietary sodium (a can of Spaghetti-O’s has 1780 mg—as much as 10 bags of Doritos!), which can lead to elevated blood pressure and diminished blood flow to certain parts of the body, including the genitals.


According to a study published in the Central European Journal of Urology, researchers found that high fructose corn syrup — the dietary villain that’s attracted all the wrong kind of attention these days because it’s the main sweetener in soda — increased the risk of erectile dysfunction, because it raises cholesterol levels and damages the arteries in the penis.


When you’re buying fish, always opt for wild over farmed, which is often packed with contaminants. Analyzing 700 salmon bought in stores from Edinburgh, Scotland to Seattle, Washington, a team led by Ronald Hites, PhD, of Indiana University, found that the farmed product contained up to 8 times more PCBs—cancer-causing industrial chemicals that were banned in 1979—than the wild variety. Other chemicals found in farmed fish include dioxins from herbicides (the most famous being Agent Orange). Exposure to PCBs and dioxin has been linked to lower T levels.


Not only is microwavable popcorn one of the 8 Foods Most Likely to Cause Cancer, it’s bad for your erection as well. The culprit in both cases: The lining of the bag. Conventional microwave-popcorn bags are lined with perfluorooctanoic acid (PFOA), also called C8. High levels of PFOA exposure have been linked to lower testosterone levels.


Processed meats contain high levels of saturated fats and cholesterol, which clog the penile arteries, because they’re small and quickly collect plaque.


Cheese is one of the foods highest in saturated fat, which can lead to arterial blockage. And when it comes to both milk and cheese, cows are often fed artificial hormones that have been shown to cause endocrine disruption. In a University of Rochester study published in the journalHuman Reproduction, men who consumed more dairy products had “significantly” less motile sperm than those who consumed less.


With it comes to refined carbs and cheese, pizza is double trouble for your erection. According to a Harvard study, it’s the second-highest contributor to saturated fat intake in America. If you want to completely kill your erection, order a Meat Lover’s Pizza (see #10) and don’t be surprised if that’s the only loving you get tonight.

13. MINT

A study printed in the journal Phytotherapy Research found that spearmint can significantly reduce levels of testosterone, a hormone that plays a big role in libido. In a separate study published in the journalUrology, researchers gave one group of rats water and the others peppermint tea. Ultimately, the rats who drank the tea had lower levels of T. If you like the occasional cup of mint tea, don’t swear off the stuff; just consume it in moderation.

Credits :

Night Of The Blood Moon


A few weeks ago I was in a bad place. Bills stacking up, financial pledges unfulfilled, everyone was racking in huge numbers but me.

A friend even spent millions to buy just one SUV.

Another one killed close to a million buying our select few champagne… In one night!

My daughter uncharacteristically requested for a few quid, zilch! Nada. Zero. I was broke.

Everyone was making paper but me. I began to mediate on things that were not expedient. I started to entertain the profane in my heart. I was desperate.

Then came all that ruckus about a blood moon.
As a devout stargazer I was immediately intrigued.
And as is customary, I hit Google to see what I could.
I learnt a lot.

I’m one of those people that strange miracles happen to. Always been like that. Dozens of stuff too disturbing to disclose.
I seem to stumble upon the strangest things… Ah, my curious soul!

The most amazing things related to the blood moon jumped at me online. Hours later I put down my tablet quivering with excitement. I had to see this moon.

I set my alarm for 3 am. It was supposed to be at its reddest a few minutes after three.

I crashed at about 11pm sharp as is customary.
My alarm seemed to go off the very next minute.
Groggy but psyched, I pulled on a pair of camouflage combat shorts and then wrestled into a tank top.
Strangely, power was out. But I know my nest blindfolded. I picked my way into my study to fetch my Canon EOS 50D. Zoom lens too.

As soon as I got on my porch, I grimaced. Rain.
Nice try.
I was not going to be deterred. I walked back indoors and dropped the camera and pulled off the tank top. Located a pair of flip flops and stepped out into a mild drizzle.

The houses along my street are fully detached. It’s a lovely neighborhood. Every street has a security man walking that beat. But on a night like this, I knew he would be huddled somewhere sheltered and dry. Guess we don’t pay the security outfit enough.

I started to scan the skies. It was raining in earnest by now. In fairness to the ‘bloody’ moon, the skies had taken on a reddish hue.
Ethereal, beautiful.

A few moments later, the rain stopped suddenly and the clouds parted,  simultaneously.
I looked around and then up to see the reddest moon ever!


“Lord have mercy!” I remember exclaiming in awe.

“Beautiful isn’t she?” a woman commented behind me.

“Yes it is!” I answered without turning.

We are a strange bunch along my street. It was no biggie that there was probably another star gazer there living.

If you say the right words in the right ear, the right things will come aright She quoted.

Right off an ancient text I chanced upon earlier online.

I slowly turned to face her. I felt goosebumps break out all over.

She was stunningly beautiful. Whilst I had the loveliest female neighbors, this one surpassed them all.
This one I had not seen before.
This one, like me, was topless.
She wore just a white wrapper around her waist.
Forgive me for not getting into the details of her bosom, but she was hot. And more importantly, (perv) I thought I was going to die.

She looked, well, red-ish.
I guess I looked the same. I thought it was because the moon was at its fullest, reddest and directly overhead.

“Who are you?” I croaked. Absolutely petrified.
“You know what I am ” she countered. “Will you say the right words?”

“I am not sure I want to.” I slowly stated as she stepped even closer.

“Say the right words and seal them with a kiss. Right here, right now. Or forfeit life for you have reached the crossroads. Many have killed for this moment, many will kill to be in your shoes right now.”

All I could think about was Judas Iscariot. Yup, Judas.

Christ! I constantly amaze even me!!

She was totally in my space by this time. We were practically chest to chest. I think I’d stopped breathing too.

“Say. The. Right. WORDS… Mr President. Or forfeit life.”

Oh she was legit alright. She definitely knew. Too much about what was. And what ought.

Suddenly emboldened by something from within me, I lifted my arms and wrapped my hands around her waist. I felt her sidle even closer.

The world is mine… I have the Light in me…But I will not kiss you.”

I felt her stiffen.

“It is in your best interest that I do not. If I do, your life will become forfeit.” I felt her try to step backwards. I tightened my grip instead and pulled her closer still.

“You can not give me what is already mine. And whatever you have, I have just taken too.” I released her then.

She stumbled backwards. Her wet, red-tinted bosom heaving visibly.

Temper… Temper… 10%…43%…86%…

“You will die!” she hissed at me.
“We will come for your soul soon… If you speak of this to anyone, anything, anywhere… You will die on the spot.”

Some females actually look lovelier when they get mad…

“I’d like to see you again. Please wear a red dress. Red suits you. Let me buy you dinner on that day.” I proposed, stepping forward extending my right hand for a handshake.

She looked at me for a while. Then studied my hand for a bit.
Then she took my hand. Looked at me strangely and then vanished into thin air.

I turned and walked back inside.

Should You Pay For Sex?

And it came to pass that yours truly,  in compliance with his job description, was posted out to one of the many states in Nigeria.
Forgive the ambiguity. Security reasons.

As the job (unofficially) demands, the powers that be by the powers vested in them by their offices, desired female entertainment.
The onus thereupon fell upon my righteous soul, to cater within the confines of morality, and the existing legislature of the land to accommodate and make possible the said female entertainment.

I liaised.
I conferred.
I reconnected.
I negotiated.
Then I delivered. Yet not I alone!
No my friend, I am not trying to pass blame or share it. A million times no! Here’s why I say we were and not that I was…

When I got back to the opulent lobby of my suite, they were all seated. And there were new faces with them.

Time check, 10:46 pm.

Free facts; a vast array of liquor and a wide assortment of delicacies.

Yes Tommy there was roasted chicken. And yes Tommy, it was peppery. Yes Tommy, just like you like it.

Forgive me friends, my family is ‘complicated’.

The new faces were all beautiful. They were all seductively dressed. They all smelled like an amalgamation of pilfered and then poorly packed perfumes.
It was a lovely and pleasant-smelling atmosphere.

The lush sofas were arranged to circle a low and long tempered glass center table. Ornate, beautiful furniture. Obviously imported from Asia. I do not know how I know this exactly, I just do.

And I knew immediately that I had been set up.

She was built just like I like my women.
And coincidentally the sofa she was sitting in had the only free space left… Hehehe… I lowered my tired self beside her. Smiled broadly and introduced myself.

Her name is Timi. (no Einstein, it is not her real name! From her to me; or from me to you!!)

Introductions were mildly shouted over the cacophony of MTV Base, phone calls, conversion, laughter, et al.

And so I poured myself a bit of bottled water on the rocks (the “no Einstein…” premise as interjected above still obtains here…) and settled down to commence small talk with this ‘unholy set-up’.

Her eyes were jaded.
Don’t get me wrong, they looked alright. But I’ve been here and there, I know torment and a homo sapien absent a soul when I see one.

In fact upon closer inspection I saw that I had been hasty with my accolades. She was what I call ‘F. F. F’…
Fine. From. Far.
Up close and personal, nah…

“I can show you a good time” she quoted by rote.
I smiled thinly in reply.

“But you have to take care of your girl, yes?”

Of course. It’s my sole purpose of existence.

“How much? ” I hate beating about the bush. (Except when I care about you that is.)

“You are a chairman na, I’m just a poor student… You tell me”. She quipped ‘sultrily’.

You may be poor, but definitely greedy I remember thinking. And since I didn’t want to ultimately waste my time leading her on, I diplomatically informed her that I don’t pay for sex.

With a look of disdain she informed me that I was just a stingy man, the sort adept at using love to get sex for free.

My water on the rocks was starting to taste like water.

She then began to cast aspersions on the length and the health of my phallus. Basing her half – baked hypothesis on my 240-pound (muscular) frame.

“Everybody knows that big guys have small dicks!” This lady of easy virtue was a piranhaslashbarracuda!

Suitably tongue – lashed and unjustly emasculated, I quietly arose, picked up a bottle of my favorite water (yes water! What?!) and stepped out onto the porch. I gently pushed the sliding door shut.

I was pondering on why the Taj Mahal had no history of spectres and ghouls when I heard the door slide open, music, noise and her cheap fragrances assailed my senses banishing all my international musings.

“I’m sorry sir. I didn’t mean what I said.”

I turned to face her. Shrugged and tried to dial my thoughts again.

“Peace offering?”

Smoked lion meat! Woman, please leave me alone!!

“I don’t smoke.” I replied instead.

“But it’s ‘S.K’!”

” I don’t smoke weed either Timi, thanks for offering though.”

“Why are you now making me feel like a sinner? You don’t pay, you don’t smoke, and now you don’t smoke S.K!”

(And I drink only water… Wink…)

I am no Saint. Truth be told, I don’t pay for sex because I truly believe that I should be the one getting paid for sex.

For starters I am good.

I court, woo and serenade you.

Then toil in wanton abandon till you reach your zeniths.

Then neglect to traumatize you by not explaining every time that “every male ejaculation, equals seven days nutrition’.

Then in post – coital bliss cuddle, snuggle and whisper sweet words of truth in your neck as I experience them right there. Reinforcing your sense of worth and belonging, lowering your anxieties and stress.

You whore…most likely never trafficked; not a victim of cruel injustice, blackmail, coercion, kidnap, sold or pimped out by your boyfriend, husband, family or parents… or irreversibly addicted to drugs … You are simply a victim of your greed, necessitated by wanting to live and achieve beyond your means overnight.

As long as you trade sex for cash or any other advantageous incentive… Then we are all prostitutes.

So, pray tell, why should I not place a premium on my sexual favors also? Why do you ascribe financial value to yours alone?

But I decided to be economical with my truths, and allow Proverbs 26:4 illuminate my path.

“Chic, I’m no saint” is all I said instead.