The ‘What If?’ Series. (Dan-ifying The Biblical Adam & Eve)

I would like to tell you a story.

First off, forget all you think you know about the story.

The Story is set in eternity. I would not dare to add or subtract from The Truth.

But I am compelled to entertain you. I am obligated to open up the eye of your understanding.

As always, embedded in all I will ever write; exist ‘gates’.

If you know, you know.

Once upon a time there was one made in the likeness of the Author and Finisher. (This is how I was told the story began.)

He that was newly created, he was alone. Not lonely.

He traversed the length and breadth of his dominion.

The story says that he had been commissioned to name all things; animals, plants et al.

He was a maverick. He was a pioneer. He was was a (Before Christ) Tarzan.

In short, he was badass!

Original badass!

Now El Shaddai ran a few algorithms. In His brilliance, He deemed it fit to make a Help Meet for Badass.

And then voila! there was this hottie at the whim… The caprices of Badass.

Let us be real for a bit… We are all adults here.

Fellas back me up on this;

A virgin.

Younger than you are.

Totally ignorant and largely naive.

And lest I forget, perpetually naked.

Yes naked.

As was he… Bad-assery!

Keeping it real… This was the first recorded insinuation of sex.

This was also in that year when men lived to be hundreds of years old.

Can you imagine the libido in that dominion?!

The unmitigated and uncensored lust!!

Their eagerness. Their dedication. Their devotion. The love!

They must have tormented the animals incessantly. Their ruckus most likely made primates cover their eyes and ears in embarrassment.

He was whipped

She was dick-matized.

They were in a utopian euphoria of some sort.

Inseparable.

In the version of this story, (the story that was told to me and I am telling you), one day Badass stumbled on the devil weasling around The Forbidden Tree.

Of course he had his bride… woman, queen, sex slave etc in tow.

Hey… She must have been gobsmacked by Badass.

Inseparable.

And then the devil sold his lies convincingly.

And Badass nodded in permission to his Help Meet.

Whereupon she hurriedly picked /collected / harvested / plucked a fruit off of The Forbidden Tree.

Eve? In that era and dispensation? Dare leave her protector / husband / lord / new-found lover??

And dare to strike conversation with any other thing without his say so?

Impossible!

Rubbish!

According to the way that the story was told to me of course…

According to the story, the one I was told, Badass instructed his woman to eat of it. And then he ate.

Help Meet was old-school; loyal, graceful, obedient, wise and respectful. She backed up her man’s story. She did not let him down.

From the sentencing all the way to banishment she refused to snitch.

Of course Tsidkenu knew exactly what Badass was doing. He was not deceived. But He saw them as one. A few centuries later He would allow the ‘untimely’ death of a couple. They lied to an apostle about proceeds from land sold.

Rohe would not interfere in the affairs of man without requisite invitation though. So He did what He had to do. This version of the story agrees with the original one.

No… That was not Freudian. I slipped for a reason.

She lost her home, her comfort zone, her security. She was cursed alongside her man and she served her time with dignity, style and grace.

That woman was certainly ‘ride or die’.

Wife-material!

Ahem! The above is exactly the way the story was told to me of course… Hehehe…

The story goes on to reveal that Help Meet may have been less educated than Badass. And so there exists Badass’ version of this same story that is popular and well accepted. And original.

No… That was not Freudian. I slipped right on point.

And so my friends, I have come to the end of the story that I was told.

If I ever hear another story I deem worth your time, I will tell it.

You may leave your comments on this blog.

Thank you.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.