How To Reduce Your Value

Something happened to me recently. Not directly, I was a second-party casualty.
An innocent bystander and unfortunate recipient of the “cock up”. The unfortunate series of circumstances got to me. And got me thinking.
I was perfectly situated to analyse this indecency.
I was there, just being human and making mistakes.
No, I didn’t kill anybody.
No one got hurt.
I did not physically harm anyone.
The psychological harm alleged were arguable, and in my humble opinion, bogus.

The issue?
Because of my affiliation with one who had lost credibility, I was starting to lose respect and credibility too.

For the sake of peace and the discouraging of murderous genes dormant in some of my ‘friends’, let me leave the issue as I have diplomatically stated it.

My point is salient regardless of which end you are on.
I hope these “carbuncles” help…

1) Causing More Trouble Than Your Worth

Take a critical review of who you really are. Are you realistically worth fighting for?
Positive affirmations and faith aside, are you worth the drama or trouble you cause?

You see, consistently being an ass devalues your person. Reduces you to mere memories. You’re like the chubby niece or nephew, good for a once in a while indulgence. Mostly avoided.

2) Keep Talking; Incessantly

“… In the multitude of words, sin is not lacking…”
“Draw near to listen…”

You do not need to be heard always and/or on every subject.
No one is really interested in your troubles ultimately. You see even close family will sometimes only indulge you by listening to you whine, ONLY because your complaints make you less of a superhuman and more like they are.
Everyone has their issues.
So it’s pleasant for them to listen to you prove to them that “the rich also cry”.

Better still, your yakking bolsters their self-esteem because when listening to your clueless renditions, they can ascertain that they are better than you.
Priceless!!

3) Status Quo; (The Mess We Are In)

Have a gentleman where I work that calls himself ” the king of the poor”.
The gentleman in question has sunk from poverty to penury. Stopping always at bankruptcy for a fistful of ‘poor’.

Eagles do not roost, they soar. It is chickens that roost.
Choose to behave like a chicken and clamour and scratch and scrape… Or an eagle… Majestic, enigmatic, big, strong, reliable.
It’s up to you. Common-ise yourself or otherwise.

4) Snitch On Yourself

“If you stopped telling your friends everything, then your enemy wouldn’t know so much about you.”

A snitch is like a rat.
Despicable.
Carrier of filth and disease.
Rats are better off elsewhere… Dead.

Relationships of any sort require confidentiality.
There are codes of conduct. Do not speak about anyone to anyone. But to that one.
Do not boast or gloat, it cheapens you.

If you are snitching on your beloved… You idiot! Leave them instead.
If you are snitching on your spouse… Your idiocy is stratospheric!!
I won’t dwell on this point, I find it annoying.
Sheeeesh!!!

5) Misplace Your Loyalties Or Priorities

Play your part. Play your position.
A carpenter is scarcely expected to be giving lectures on quantum physics at MIT.
Nor the good captain on British Airways expected to be serving cocktails mid flight.
Focus on your roles. If you do not know them, learn more.
As ignorance is no excuse in law, so there is no law against labeling the ignorant a ‘poor excuse’ of humanity.
It’s shabby and in poor taste when you are not on point.
You are not reliable.

Busy day tomorrow. I’m off!

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One For Mum…

Abeg if una see my mama
Hail her well-well
Wash her well with grammar
Your boy don show her hell.

I don thief; I don lie
I don fight; I don bloody
I dey sick; I dey die
She cure all, mummy dey steady.

Na she dey call always
Sabi to pray like Jesus wife
Our house always in place
For us, she fit free her life.

Momsie no vex abeg
You try, na me no dey gree
Yet you carry me like egg
Despite my ‘ef up’, you still love me.

Mummy I don hold ground
Relax ya mind, no more sorrow
Mummy smile, make you dey proud
Your prayer dem, e don dey show.

Baba God I thank You o!
Abeg make she still dey…
Momsie your boy love you o!!
Happy Mother’s Day.

Signs That He Is Falling Out Of Love With You

Insidious series of happenstance this one.

You scarcely see it coming.

I doubt if even he saw it coming.

It is often the case that he has fallen out of love with you, but still loves you. He is no longer in love with you, but loves you still. No zing, no zest, nothing special, just there.

If you are lucky, you may be able to narrow it down to a defining occurrence and thus have the power to reverse or repeat the said occurrence depending on your preferred outcome.

Most of us however, would prefer to keep our love-interest. Nurture them. Raise kids with them. Sleep with them, blah… blah… blah…

Aiight, then these are the signs to watch out for, and of course to guard against…

And oh Blondie… Don’t go brandishing this list in his face. Antagonising a wounded tiger yields bloody consequences.
This list is a merely a selection from a plethora of symptoms, you my luv, is (primarily) the disease…

Dan?! You stoic, insensitive, chauvinistic wanker!!!

As I was saying…

1) Lack of Affection

No more gentle caresses. No more pet names? He calls you by your name these days? Sweet texts, voicemail messages all dried up? Textual intercourse ‘interuptus’?
Surely you get my drift so far? If not… I am not qualified to assist you specifically.

2) Lack of Depth

I’m referring to the depth of your relationship. It’s foundation. How did you meet? Where? Why are you together? “I love you” or worse still, “oh baby I think I love you” is not enough to build a lasting relationship. When the storms of life hit you both, it’s the depth of your relationship, the depth of his love that will be tested.

3) Lack of Compatibility

He’s a Christian, you’re a Muslim. And neither will cross over. He’s a mobster, you’re a chorister. He goes to a Methodist church, you Pentecostal. He’s a labourer-for-hire, you, a medical doctor.
You can’t afford to be at odds is my point. It helps to be headed in the same direction.
Love will mostly be found where the heart is heading.

4) Lack of Fulfillment

Everyone serves a purpose. At least you are supposed to. Your man has needs just like you do. He wants things a certain way, because he has dreams of where he wants to take his family to.
He may need a business partner in you. Maybe a mother.
Maybe a shoulder to cry on.
Maybe a confidant.
Maybe all the above forever, maybe in times of crises.
Repeated failure to fulfill these needs will cause him to fall back to himself. Or rely on another. You’re not in the picture anymore.

5) Lack of Attraction

It can die. Sex and attraction are very important ingredients.
It can fade. Maybe it’s of your making or he just lost the spark he used to feel for you.
Attraction is key. It is usually intangible. But it’s effects are physically expressed. It is there or not.

6) Lack of Need

If he no longer feels like you need him. Ultimately he will fall out of love with the relationship you have. No problem with you, just the type of relationship he has. That is an indication of love lost. Wait…for…it…

7) Lack of Communication

If he has slowly lapsed into silence around you or things you do, sister… He is going.
Again, if your man has stopped talking to you generally… Or on specific subjects… He is going.
If he always clams up around you even when it’s obvious that something is bothering him, sister, he is going.
If he has stopped fellowshipping with you via heart to heart talks, sister, he is going.

Communication is everything in a relationship. Not love. Communication.

A man won’t confide in you simply because he does not trust you, or cannot see your value/input to the situation.

8) Lack of Loyalty

Men value loyalty and will often pull away from those people who they feel are no longer backing them. If a man’s girlfriend let’s them down or listens to everyone’s opinions before they listen to theirs, then chances are he will be deeply hurt and pull away. If the situation continues this will cause him to fall out of love.

Those are some of the salient signs in my opinion.

What to do if the above is going on in your relationship? I offer three steps…

1) Change your ways. It’s a relationship… So… Relate. Make it a deep fellowship.

2) Ask direct questions as to what you are doing wrong and how you can make it right. Knowledge is power.

3) He is human. His wants and needs are dynamic. And quite frankly tedious and oppressive.
Forget him!