Site icon Dan Ochu-Baiye

“Domestic Violence”

How is Nathan?” I finally asked.

She froze. And then purposefully drove her table knife into her (uneaten) steak.

“I’m leaving him.” She finally answered. “Its all too much, the abuse, the disrespect… He almost hit me the other day!”

I looked long and hard at my childhood (married with kids) friend. Really looked…in between the lines…till I saw.

I leaned forward, took her tiny hands in mine, and began to talk…

“Domestic Violence; (also domestic abuse, battering, family violence and intimate partner violence) is a pattern of behavior which involves violence or other abuse by one person against another in a domestic context, such as marriage or cohabitation.”

“Domestic Violence or aggressive behavior within the home, typically involving the violent abuse of a spouse or partner.”

“Psychological abuse, also referred to as emotional abuse, is a form of abuse characterized by a person subjecting or exposing another to behavior that may result in psychological trauma, including anxiety, chronic depression, or posttraumatic stress disorder.”

Wikipedia. 2014.

I have researched long and hard on the subject of domestic violence. And I am shocked at the depth and width of its definition.

I was also appalled at the statistics. The frequency of occurrence is mind-boggling. These just being the reported cases.

Stay with me on this, I am headed somewhere.

What is wrong with us as people?
What is wrong with love?
Where is God, and the long arm of the law in all these?

I have to ask because it would seem like the greatest atrocities are committed under the auspices of love and religion.
The law it seems, is always reactive.

I have set out to understand what domestic violence is truly about;
In truth, anything you do, or say to your partner can be deemed abusive. Depending on their age, religion, ethnicity, social class, experiences et al.

The subject is vast and libraries are inundated with hard facts on the issue (as they perceive it). But I have a fresh take on domestic violence:-

Our generation has become soft.

Too soft.

Yes I said it!

It had to be said!!

We all, have become soft and fruity.

Our ‘men’ have increasingly become effeminate and childish. A recent survey placed the age of the average male gamer at 31!
A 31 year old Xbox/PlayStation/… player.
Hmmm…I have nothing against gamers or video games.
At age 31 though…I just hope you have a job and your life on track sir.
These men, probably still live with their parents.
I may be off by a few years, but about twenty years ago, the average 31-year old man would have been married about seven years and sired a decent number of kids in his own home.

Our women are also proving inept at anything domestic apart from sex. And even at sex…
They are immature too. “28 going on 18”.

We have gone soft because we are over-pampered and thus, spoilt.

The men and women of grit, substance, style and grace amongst us are very few.

Baby boomers…

Here’s my point:-

There are too many cases of “domestic violence” to be true.
The signs and descriptions of “domestic violence” are too all- encompassing.
Most times, mere protracted, domestic personality clashes are deemed abusive by clearly stubborn and unreasonable partners.
There are clear cases of domestic violence. But I think the term in itself has suffered abuse too. It is used too loosely to cater for our fragile self esteem issues. It has become an excuse for a weakened caliber of this generations’ adults.

We need to grow up. Toughen up. To step up and play our parts in relationships.

Playing the “domestic violence”/”emotional abuse”/”psychological abuse” card(s) every time there is a clash of purpose and/or misunderstanding is escapist.
If you and your partner disagree on issues…guess what? It is no big deal. It is because we are stubborn, selfish and obstinate that we get unhappy; and remain that way.
Invariably, psychological trauma develops. Which is usually the prequel to physical violence.

Again, I reiterate that there exist real cases of domestic violence. Please, male or female sufferer, run!

Most abusers are cowards. If we had not all become so soft, we would stand up for our selves and for our rights.

I have never been abused.
I would simply punch your lights out (I do not hit women. I’m talking about bullies mummy).
And I go out of my way to project my ability to do so.

Try the soft, fruity human next door.

Respect is earned! It is not a freebie.

Her hug had a tinge of finality to it.
As she walked away, I felt sad.
I don’t think she will be calling me up to chat anytime soon. I’ve known her for decades. She is spoilt and wears her heart on her sleeve.
Nathan had simply stood his ground for once.
But truth hurts I guess.

Oh Phoebe!

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