For The Married (Part 4)

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I appreciate your thoughts, comments, phone calls and chats.
Lol…, only wish you would place the comments here.
A lot of your contributions are vital. But hey, whatever makes you comfortable.
Thanks again.


I can sense extremists getting ready to pounce.
Touchy subject I perceive.
Nonetheless, I will touch it. I will say it all!

Your lack of belief in gravity does not negate the law of gravity.
As my learned friends are wont to gravely intone, “ignorantia juris non excusat.”
Ignorance of law excuses no one.
There are rules of engagement in any sort of endeavor. Even a “no rule” contest is a rule in itself.
That is what ensures you don’t show up at a knife fight with a deck of cards.

I do not know your current geographic location, nor do I care. Gravity is gravity.

I don’t know how old or how rich you may be, but 10m/sec will hold true if you step off the edge of the statue of liberty unaided.

You will fall. You will hurt. You will be injured. You may die.

Your life will certainly not be the same again.

I have nothing against homosexuals. I truly wish you the best of love and life.
But these series are not for you. (Yes Nick, I’m talking to you).
And I’m smiling as I’m talking too.

I am not addressing the:- dating/engaged/bedfellows/anythingthatisnothusbandandwife.

I said all that to say this; he is the husband, and she is the wife.

Your ignorance of the ramifications of the preceding line is what would make you unhappy in a marriage.

It is possible that the wife makes more money.
It is possible that the husband is a better cook.
It is possible that she has been ordained as a pastor.
It is possible that he works/worked for her.

But, once married; everything changes.

That you don’t want it to be so, or that you cannot wrap your head around the rules of this game is inconsequential.

He is your ‘head.’
You are his neck.

That is your position. That is his position.

Overlap these to your (inevitable) detriment. Either of you.

I sense a few women bristling, waiting, just waiting to see the words ‘feminist’ and ‘submission.’
I’m sorry to disappoint you.
Research documents your capacity for ten (10) words for every one (1) word your male counterparts utter; I am not here to argue.
You will win, I yield!

A man gets married to a woman.
A woman marries a man.
That is the divine plan.

She is supposed to marry him because she likes him (a lot) and he makes her feel special. And there is potential for love and security.
He is supposed to marry her because she likes him back (a lot more most times).
And she has really nice breasts. Or hips. Or butt. Or brains. Or whatever tickles his fancy naturally.
They are supposed to grow these ‘likes’ and nurture them into love over time.
And fight to keep the love. And have kids, or not.

Newsflash: you do not of necessity have to marry who you love; but rather, to love who you marry.

But we have all tried to switch the rules have we not?
Opportunists that we are.
No one plays their position anymore.

The husband is lazy, won’t get a job, and is quite content to let her foot the bills.
The wife is ambitious and struggling with her identity and new-found roles.

He will not live up to his position, but wants to be treated like a king.
She is stressed out and lashes out the only way she knows how…with words…a lot of them.

When you do not play you role as the man in the house, she will lose respect for you. Emasculate you.
When you do not play your role as a wife, he will replace you. Cheat on you.
Men have always been about ego. He will go where his ego will be stoked.
Women have always been about perceived security. She will taunt you and make your life miserable.

The rules and roles in marriage are glaringly obvious. I detest stating the obvious.
Please refer to holy books or defer to godly (married) folk for advice.

I simply offer counsel that you understand marriage, its rules, your role in it; and play your position.

Your husband ought to feel like a king. And you should call him “your king.”
Your wife ought to feel like a queen. And you should call her “your queen.”

Those are the perks of playing your positions…et al.

I wish you illumination, Your Excellencies.

Dan Ochu-Baiye

Large. Curious. Reads a lot. Wild. Loves lions and tigers. Music. Gym. Hiking. Loud music.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Tbaby

    Am clapping for you here.. well written.

    1. Dan Ochu-Baiye

      Thank you so much Tbaby. Appreciate your dropping by. Please do not become a stranger.

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