For The Married (Part 3)


I love Lions and Tigers.

Ligers and Tigons too.

Leopards and Cheetahs.

I love big cats.

I love Natural Geographic. Cool stuff about the animal kingdom going on there.
The episodes about big cats hunting have me riveted. Ever see the shows? Awesome!
Especially when they hunt. Serious business I tell you.

Them cats know their prey;
They know how fast a deer can go.
They know how keen the eyesight of different prey is.
They know wind direction instinctively, and adjust appropriately.
They know where the watering holes are.
They know which particular quarry they want in a whole herd and work to isolate that one.

They can spot potential prey by observing their weaknesses. Illnesses. Immaturity. Youth. Rookie mistakes.

The cats know themselves too;
How fast they can go. What part of the terrain camouflages them best.
They know how hungry they are, and more importantly, they know exactly what they need to do.
Instincts, genetics, experience and much more, funnel these potent ingredients into a fantastic predator.

Do you know your husband?

Do you know your wife?

Have you ever bothered to know who they are and what they stand for? What they live for? What they would die for?

Do you even know if they really like broccoli? Asparagus? Pizza, or caviar?
If they prefer Merlot to Sauvignon? Vodka to Scotch?

Or its just, “my husband drinks alcohol sha…”

Or, “I sha dey know say wifey like ice cream…”

I have always maintained that, “what we pay for, is really ignorance.”
The same thing you are paying cash for, a more savvy individual is getting it for free.
The issue causing you sleepless nights is not her mother, or rich ex.
Darling, the stuff making you cry is not his girlfriends or wayward lifestyle.

It is your ignorance.

Ignorance of your prey.

You have not “studied to show yourself approved”.

“Draw near to listen” to your spouse. Study them dispassionately.
Read their mannerisms. Your spouse is your prey!
You belong to each other. Chase down, hunt (pay rapt attention to) your beloved daily.

Read them again like a daily devotional or like a fresh copy of your favorite magazine.

Own your marriage.
Own your home.

You need to because, “where your treasure lies, there your heart will be also.”
Or rather, where your spouses’ treasure lies; is where their heart will be.
What does your beloved treasure? What is important to them?

If you cannot, or will not studiously find the answer to these questions, then you are not where your beloved is.
He/she is watching MTV; and you, Telemundo.

You will generally be at polar opposites. Share a few laughs maybe when you both meet occasionally at mutual “drinking holes”, and then they are off to watch MTV…and you, Telemundo.

Do not be lazy. Take care to know the state of your lover. Know when they are lying. (Yes it is possible).
Take care to know when they are afraid or worried.
Have the good grace to be patient even when you smell a rat.
Do not show your hand too soon.
Not every situation requires explanation, defense or full disclosure. At the particular point you notice it I mean.

Understand your spouse. Know them to the best of your ability. Just try is all I am saying.
A wise man once told me, ” marriage is to be endured to be enjoyed .”

Marriage, like any worthwhile endeavor, takes effort, commitment and sacrifice.

I close with a few lines I picked off a mates’ Facebook thread:-

The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws.
That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they are out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness’ sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, its seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship.”


Dan Ochu-Baiye

Large. Curious. Reads a lot. Wild. Loves lions and tigers. Music. Gym. Hiking. Loud music.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Dokpe

    I like Dan! Good job, some things to learn there…

    1. Dan Ochu-Baiye

      Ah! My cup runneth over…thank you. From you, this means a great deal. Don’t be a stranger.#bighug#

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