Aydin’s Abstrusity

I did this because you did that.
Now we are here because you are there.
I am this because you are that.

I chose to ‘A’ because you chose ‘B’.
To be or not to be” is where we are at.
We are thus, for what we chose.

If this is because of that;
And ‘A’ is clearly not ‘B’,
Are we to be, or is that that?

Will You Be My Muse?

zeenike

Will you be my muse?

I will pin your picture on my wall and gaze at your perfection as I write. I will seduce you with my words and kiss your lips with my thoughts. I will tell you the wanton things I want to do to you and caress you brazenly with my intentions.

I will push you up against the wall of my passion and press my desire against yours. I will read your words, guide your sentences down the lines of my body. You will touch my sensitive places softly with the things you say.

I will tease you wickedly, guiding you down to feel the streams of my anticipation gushing forth. You will tease me in turn, prodding and caressing and expertly exploring my inner recesses till my knees buckle.

And when we can’t take it any more I will let you in. I will look…

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For The Married (Part 5)

Marriage does not solve any problems.

All over the world married people are figuring this out.
For every lovestruck lover that’s rushing in, three disillusioned ones are clawing their way out.
Every other weekend, some star-crossed lovers tie the knot. While those married, and in attendance, sit in reflection.
Maybe even place mental bets on how long this new union will last.

Did you get in for a green card?
To escape poverty or abuse?
Maybe they are your meal ticket? Your legitimate ATM card?

Or you’re a gigolo. A hustler?
A gold digger. An opportunist?

Truth is that your motives guarantee the success of your marriage.
As an ‘Angel’ once wrote to me, “…time reveals all things. Time is the true standard and test of all things.”
Why did you get married to your spouse?

5) YOU

It all starts with you.
Who are you? What do you want from life?
What do you live for? What are your values?

Are you happy being you? Because if you are not, no one can make you happy.
Are you comfortable in your skin? What trash are you hauling?
Trash or cash, what are you bringing to the table?

As time unfolds, we start to see the truth about our partners do we not?
Weaknesses, propensity for all kinds of issues and oh man…their drama!
How well you stretch or bend over in accommodation is directly proportional to your self-health.

There can never be another ‘you’.
That you don’t feel unique, or because we don’t see your uniqueness is irrelevant.
A diamond is a diamond.
In the rough, polished, or lost…it is still a diamond.

Blood diamonds.
Smuggled/trafficked diamonds.
Stolen diamonds.
Swallowed diamonds.
In-a-pigs-gut diamonds.
Displayed-in-the-Vatican diamonds…

You are a diamond.

You are a precious diamond.

Regardless of what state you’re in, you just need to get yourself better than you are today.

You are meant to shine bright.
To show forth light.
That light is to wash upon everybody. To show at least one person the path to their light…their destiny.

That one person may be the person you are married to.

I would be lying if I said that the key to releasing your light is in your hands alone.
No it is not.
But that is not my path today.
You, however, possess the ability to make a change.
To ‘will’ and to ‘do.’

You could start by reinventing yourself:-

1) take care of your body better. Be clean. Be healthy. Watch the junk and gunk you put into your body.

2) take care of your mind. Get an education. Enrich and stimulate your inner you. Try God? A spiritual foundation goes a long way.

3) work out often. At least thirty minutes a day. Trust me on this one, it works.

4) develop some style and class. Model that persona after a like-mannered or likeness of you. Movie star? Celebrity? Dig into GQ, Cosmopolitan, Fashion TV… Develop a sense of flair.

5) Actively research on stuff that intrigue you. In this day and age, information abounds. Study, learn, observe and KNOW.

It is hard to bring down a person with a healthy self esteem.
A person with a healthy self esteem will not (normally) seek to bring you down.

That is what you owe yourself. A healthy self esteem.
Self respect.
Value yourself and your body.
Place value on your mind and spirit.
That is your right. It is your responsibility.
It is what you can humanly achieve.
It is never too late to start.

“Love starts from you to another.
And from the other to another.
And then to others…”

For The Married (Part 4)

Thank you for the feedback.
I appreciate your thoughts, comments, phone calls and chats.
Lol…, only wish you would place the comments here.
A lot of your contributions are vital. But hey, whatever makes you comfortable.
Thanks again.

4) PLAY YOUR POSITION

I can sense extremists getting ready to pounce.
Touchy subject I perceive.
Nonetheless, I will touch it. I will say it all!

Your lack of belief in gravity does not negate the law of gravity.
As my learned friends are wont to gravely intone, “ignorantia juris non excusat.”
Ignorance of law excuses no one.
There are rules of engagement in any sort of endeavor. Even a “no rule” contest is a rule in itself.
That is what ensures you don’t show up at a knife fight with a deck of cards.

I do not know your current geographic location, nor do I care. Gravity is gravity.

I don’t know how old or how rich you may be, but 10m/sec will hold true if you step off the edge of the statue of liberty unaided.

You will fall. You will hurt. You will be injured. You may die.

Your life will certainly not be the same again.

I have nothing against homosexuals. I truly wish you the best of love and life.
But these series are not for you. (Yes Nick, I’m talking to you).
And I’m smiling as I’m talking too.

I am not addressing the:- dating/engaged/bedfellows/anythingthatisnothusbandandwife.

I said all that to say this; he is the husband, and she is the wife.

Your ignorance of the ramifications of the preceding line is what would make you unhappy in a marriage.

It is possible that the wife makes more money.
It is possible that the husband is a better cook.
It is possible that she has been ordained as a pastor.
It is possible that he works/worked for her.

But, once married; everything changes.

That you don’t want it to be so, or that you cannot wrap your head around the rules of this game is inconsequential.

He is your ‘head.’
You are his neck.
Simple.

That is your position. That is his position.

Overlap these to your (inevitable) detriment. Either of you.

I sense a few women bristling, waiting, just waiting to see the words ‘feminist’ and ‘submission.’
I’m sorry to disappoint you.
Research documents your capacity for ten (10) words for every one (1) word your male counterparts utter; I am not here to argue.
You will win, I yield!

A man gets married to a woman.
A woman marries a man.
That is the divine plan.

She is supposed to marry him because she likes him (a lot) and he makes her feel special. And there is potential for love and security.
He is supposed to marry her because she likes him back (a lot more most times).
And she has really nice breasts. Or hips. Or butt. Or brains. Or whatever tickles his fancy naturally.
They are supposed to grow these ‘likes’ and nurture them into love over time.
And fight to keep the love. And have kids, or not.

Newsflash: you do not of necessity have to marry who you love; but rather, to love who you marry.

But we have all tried to switch the rules have we not?
Opportunists that we are.
No one plays their position anymore.

The husband is lazy, won’t get a job, and is quite content to let her foot the bills.
The wife is ambitious and struggling with her identity and new-found roles.

He will not live up to his position, but wants to be treated like a king.
She is stressed out and lashes out the only way she knows how…with words…a lot of them.

When you do not play you role as the man in the house, she will lose respect for you. Emasculate you.
When you do not play your role as a wife, he will replace you. Cheat on you.
Yup!
Men have always been about ego. He will go where his ego will be stoked.
Women have always been about perceived security. She will taunt you and make your life miserable.

The rules and roles in marriage are glaringly obvious. I detest stating the obvious.
Please refer to holy books or defer to godly (married) folk for advice.

I simply offer counsel that you understand marriage, its rules, your role in it; and play your position.

Your husband ought to feel like a king. And you should call him “your king.”
Your wife ought to feel like a queen. And you should call her “your queen.”

Those are the perks of playing your positions…et al.

I wish you illumination, Your Excellencies.

For The Married (Part 3)

3) KNOW YOUR PREY

I love Lions and Tigers.

Ligers and Tigons too.

Leopards and Cheetahs.

I love big cats.

I love Natural Geographic. Cool stuff about the animal kingdom going on there.
The episodes about big cats hunting have me riveted. Ever see the shows? Awesome!
Especially when they hunt. Serious business I tell you.

Them cats know their prey;
They know how fast a deer can go.
They know how keen the eyesight of different prey is.
They know wind direction instinctively, and adjust appropriately.
They know where the watering holes are.
They know which particular quarry they want in a whole herd and work to isolate that one.

They can spot potential prey by observing their weaknesses. Illnesses. Immaturity. Youth. Rookie mistakes.

The cats know themselves too;
How fast they can go. What part of the terrain camouflages them best.
They know how hungry they are, and more importantly, they know exactly what they need to do.
Instincts, genetics, experience and much more, funnel these potent ingredients into a fantastic predator.

Do you know your husband?

Do you know your wife?

Have you ever bothered to know who they are and what they stand for? What they live for? What they would die for?

Do you even know if they really like broccoli? Asparagus? Pizza, or caviar?
If they prefer Merlot to Sauvignon? Vodka to Scotch?

Or its just, “my husband drinks alcohol sha…”

Or, “I sha dey know say wifey like ice cream…”

I have always maintained that, “what we pay for, is really ignorance.”
The same thing you are paying cash for, a more savvy individual is getting it for free.
The issue causing you sleepless nights is not her mother, or rich ex.
Darling, the stuff making you cry is not his girlfriends or wayward lifestyle.

It is your ignorance.

Ignorance of your prey.

You have not “studied to show yourself approved”.

“Draw near to listen” to your spouse. Study them dispassionately.
Read their mannerisms. Your spouse is your prey!
You belong to each other. Chase down, hunt (pay rapt attention to) your beloved daily.

Read them again like a daily devotional or like a fresh copy of your favorite magazine.

Own your marriage.
Own your home.

You need to because, “where your treasure lies, there your heart will be also.”
Or rather, where your spouses’ treasure lies; is where their heart will be.
What does your beloved treasure? What is important to them?

If you cannot, or will not studiously find the answer to these questions, then you are not where your beloved is.
He/she is watching MTV; and you, Telemundo.

You will generally be at polar opposites. Share a few laughs maybe when you both meet occasionally at mutual “drinking holes”, and then they are off to watch MTV…and you, Telemundo.

Do not be lazy. Take care to know the state of your lover. Know when they are lying. (Yes it is possible).
Take care to know when they are afraid or worried.
Have the good grace to be patient even when you smell a rat.
Do not show your hand too soon.
Not every situation requires explanation, defense or full disclosure. At the particular point you notice it I mean.

Understand your spouse. Know them to the best of your ability. Just try is all I am saying.
A wise man once told me, ” marriage is to be endured to be enjoyed .”

Marriage, like any worthwhile endeavor, takes effort, commitment and sacrifice.

I close with a few lines I picked off a mates’ Facebook thread:-

The truth is that the more intimately you know someone, the more clearly you’ll see their flaws.
That’s just the way it is. This is why marriages fail, why children are abandoned, why friendships don’t last. You might think you love someone until you see the way they act when they are out of money or under pressure or hungry, for goodness’ sake. Love is something different. Love is choosing to serve someone and be with someone in spite of their filthy heart. Love is patient and kind, love is deliberate. Love is hard. Love is pain and sacrifice, its seeing the darkness in another person and defying the impulse to jump ship.”

Lovealways!

For The Married (Part 2)

This is the second of a 5-part series.

There Francine..happy now?
#bighug#

2) TWO’S COMPANY, THREE’S A CROWD

Depending on your religious bent, the amount of wives (or husbands) you take is quite irrelevant to the point I am trying to make.

Let me explain.

I am dealing with “third parties” to a marriage.

The new testament Christian is instructed to have one spouse.
The Muslim is permitted to have no more than four. If he can love them all equally.
The African traditionalist can acquire as many as his warped ego can accommodate.
And I understand that rich Arabs may maintain a harem outside their official wives.
And king Solomon, gotta love this dude…700 wives and 300 concubines! I am in awe of the man.

The extremes are endless, and obviously disparate.

I am not here to question ‘excesses’ or things I don’t agree with. I am just trying to offer advice on how to make a marriage work based on exemplary lives of a couple of decent folks I am acquainted with.

But for ease of transmission, and ease of assimilation, my premise is on a ‘one man, one woman’ foundation. Feel free to expand the formula exponentially as it suits your marital constituents. The principles hold true, irrespective.

As I began earlier, a third party is anyone or anything you are not married to. It is as simple as it sounds.

A) Infidelity/Unfaithfulness.

It is a popular and obvious culprit that needs no introduction or explanation. Don’t cheat!
Yes I know, there are situations that may have arisen. But there is always a reason for bad behaviour.
In a marriage though, it is wrong. Stop it.
What bears hammering home though, is emotional unfaithfulness. Escapism via children, religious activity, work, gaming, vices (alcohol, tobacco and substance abuse), friends, online/cyber romances…the list is endless.
These are all third parties that did not say, “I do”.
A safe way to check and ultimately stop these excesses is to have your spouse in on all your activities. At least they should have a working knowledge of who you are, where you are, and what you are doing.
Ouch! Yeah?
Trust me, I am one for privacy and secretiveness. I feel your pain. But, the truth; like rain, does not care who it falls on.”
In truth, barring full disclosure, you are simply sitting on a bomb that is counting down.
Wait…for…it…

B) Shut up!

A lot of trivia is escalated because one, or both of you will not stop talking.
By talking I mean relating the problem(s) on ground to anyone else but your spouse or a mutually agreed upon, competent counsellor.
Zip it! If you do not, one of you, or both alike will get hurt.
I don’t believe people always have to get stuff off their chest. I think that character is weak and immature. But that is just my temperament speaking.
If the problem you are facing concerns physical and/or emotional abuse, please do NOT shut up.
If the issues are unlawful and life-threatening; to you or anyone else, please do NOT shut up.
Communication is about listening, as well as speaking. It is about understanding where your spouse is at, and letting them know where you are at. And then finding mutual ground in love and respect.

I will shut up for now. Later!