Child Of My Heart

Child of my heart
Fruit of love
Beloved from the start
Sent from above.

Love of my life
Daughter of my youth
Mitigator of strife
Speaker of truth.

I loved you before
I love you forever
There’s so much in store
Wealth, health and laughter.

Birthday blessings sweet Sage
I wish you life’s best
Shine brighter with age
My best; my rest, my first.

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The Snake In My Bed

We have kids together. Not married (yet). Guess the unmarried bit, plus recent financial blessings started to put some strain on us.

I was finally getting some worldwide recognition for my work. Global prominence, and a huge fan base. She was getting insecure and desperate. We fought a lot recently. Situation was ugly, tense and a tad violent.

I hid in my work.

Ever wake up with a sense that something was wrong? Your entire body suffused with adrenaline, combat ready? Guys, you know what I mean.

I awoke with a start. The room was pitch black. I’m one of those people that wake up fully alert normally. A lifelong result of jarring alarm clocks set. I will usually wake up a few seconds before my alarm goes off, just to stave the rude awakening.

I woke and lunged forward toward the foot of my very large bed. Almost headlong into the wall-mounted flat screen TV. I would usually roll right, over Inemesit – that’s her name, and maybe over on her sometimes. As the mood dictated.

Instinctively though, I chose to move toward the foot of the bed. The bathroom light switch was just ahead I knew. The bathroom door was always open. As I vacated my resting place, I heard a muffled thud and a bit of rustling behind me. I hit the switch and tried to hop right off the bed and on my feet in one motion… Silly me. I fell heavily. But I sprang up and faced the bed, my right hand hitting the light switch on the wall. The bedroom flared brighter as the second switch illuminated the room. The bedroom door too was always open – behind me. For the kids.

Then I saw it.

It was a snake. Still striking my recently vacated portion of the bed passionately. Its fury almost malicious now that I think of it. Amazingly, Inemesit was still asleep! Whilst a serpent partially over her was for some reason trying to kill her lover.

“Jesus!” I croaked in shock. It whirled around toward the sound of my voice.

It slithered down the foot of the bed – my erstwhile path toward me. I felt my bowels loosen and gooseflesh break out. It was a bit of a long snake, with shiny black scales.

I sleep in the nude. Imagine how defenceless I felt standing there naked, naked girlfriend mercifully still asleep on the bed. Kiddies room behind me. Even if I could find my voice, who could I call? Any sound I made in panic would awaken Inemesit or the kids, if either showed up here… I gallantly softly closed the bedroom door. My eyes never leaving the reptile.

It is a small bedroom. Door behind me. Wardrobe too. Dresser and mirror to my left, wall to my right. Large bed in front of me…no, not really. In fact a large snake now weaving in front of me.

It was a cobra. About five foot long; standing.

Strangely though, it was mesmerising and beautiful. Hypnotically lovely. It looked like it was dancing for me…side to side. Then the part under the head, its chest I think, flared…and it began hissing…forked tongue probing the air. Instinctively I knew it was about to attack me. And Inemesit was still sleeping!

I hear snakes are fast. I hear cobras spit in your eyes. I hear the death is painful. But I had a sexy, beautiful baby mama on my bed. And kids that needed me in the house. Who was going to take care of them?

I lunged left toward the dressing table and grabbed the longest can I could see, the snake reared back to strike.

My grip on the can was flawed so I had grabbed it by the head, no time to reverse my grip…so I reflexively pressed the head of the can in sheer desperation into the face of the incoming fangs…and jumped back, back slamming hard into the wardrobe.

It recoiled oddly, sharply, and did a funny wriggle and fell forward toward me.

“Jesus!” I yelled as I sprang up, its head missing my naked, flailing genitals only because midair I parted my thighs to adjust for the falling serpent.
As I descended, in line with scriptural prophecy, I came down heel first onto it’s head. As I heard the sickening ‘squelch’ of its head crushed, I ground my heel viciously till I heard its head bones crunch twice.

I jumped away to the right to avoid its writhing death dance and since it seemed to work, liberally sprayed some more from the can onto the writhing serpent.

It was a macabre and beautiful scenario; the can was a Jasmine scented air freshener I had bought on sale at Spar supermarket.
I was alive!
Inemesit was still asleep (really? Chic, seriously?!)
And my kids were safe…
And the air was fragrant with the cloying, oriental and heavy scent of Jasmine.
And the snake wasn’t going to rise again.

Inemesit never woke up. She died in her sleep.

“A brain aneurysm…” the autopsy report stated.

“No foul play suspected…” The police report stated.

“Hmmm…hiiaan!!” I stated.

I just wonder.

10 Reasons Why He Will Leave You

Men are a strange lot. I think we mean well mostly. We just seem to possess this darned inability to communicate emotional feelings properly.

I knew this to be a fact whilst assessing a public poll via social media I conducted recently. For every five women that spoke to me, only one man did.

Even when they spoke, their responses were frugal. Yet they were not economical with the truth. I had to probe and pry. Finally though, the truth came through… 10 reasons why your man will leave you.

1. NAGGING
Now you know the reason why he scarcely comes home straight. Men would typically stay back at work hoping their women would be asleep or too relieved when they eventually show up to begin to nag. Or they stop over at a pub or ‘garden’ to fortify themselves (with some alcohol or substance) for the nerve-grating garrulousness they are inevitably going to bear. Its the most occurring reason why he will leave you.

2. TRUST
This topic is vast. If your man feels he cannot trust you, or trust you with certain details, he will clam up. Pushing his buttons to force a reaction may leave you high and dry conversation-wise. Or the recipient of monologues. A man typically falls in love over time. Its too risky and we are not wired for emotions as first respondent. Funny though, is that he falls out of love in split seconds. Don’t get me wrong; he still loves you, just no longer in love with you. As I told someone a while back, “a woman has the (self-destructive) and largely undiscovered potential to build a relationship in 7 years, but tragically tear it down in 7 minutes with careless actions and speech”.
Another relative of trust is ‘LIES’. Chris Rock said it best, “men lie all the time; but women tell the biggest lies!
Call it stereotyping… But men think women tend to tell monumental lies.

3. CLEANLINESS
Yup!
I agree. Not tidiness, hygiene.
Those panties marinating in the bucket for days in the bathroom… That ‘off’ smell oozing from poorly maintained privates…(yeeesh!)…smell off poorly kept hair…the list is endless. Its the subject of locker room talks. Yeah they’d still shag you…but maybe that’s why he had that cigarette immediately after, or why the faucet kept running while he retreated into the bathroom. Don’t be nasty, don’t be gross. Cleanliness is indeed next to godliness.

4. INFIDELITY
No brainer…what did you think would happen? Closely linked to “TRUST”. Once its gone; run!

5. ATTITUDE
– To Sex
– Your presentability to his family and friends
– Your teachability
– Unnecessary haughtiness and (empty) pride.

Your attitude determines you altitude. Men process differently. We are wired to think into a relationship. Women typically feel into a relationship.

Believe it or not, the abovementioned are some of the criteria he would use to make ‘it’ or break ‘it’.

6. LOYALTY
Women prefer commitment. Exclusivity too. A man wants loyalty and respect! Take it or leave it. Love him or leave him. If in the face of adversity and trials his woman can still be loyal and respectful; (attention please), he will morph from a tiger to a kitten.

7. HOMELINESS
Precursor to marriage. If you can’t cook or clean. Can’t “Proverbs 31” basically… You do the math ma’am.

Don’t be deceived by the brevity of HOMELINESS… Its the foundation of potential longevity.

8. FRIENDS
Show me your friends and I will tell you the type of person you are.

If the close friends you present to him are majorly divorced, single mums, deviant, morally bankrupt etc…then, this writer rests his case.

9. MATERIALISTIC/GREEDY
“Give me, give me!!”
“I’d like…”
“Baby may I have…”
“Sweetie your girl is broke…”

Hmmm…maybe, just maybe, he is not as stingy as you think.
A “keeper” typically helps to conserve for a joint future.

Think about it my sisters…

10. CRAZY
Uhmmm…Tim-Tim, I’m stumped here. Don’t really get your take on this point.
Well, I can only surmise that nobody likes an insane person in close proximity.
I guess it may have been “that time of the month”?
For whatever reason, tone it down luv! He may have been thinking of you as the potential mother of his kids. And truthfully, crazy behavior off a woman is crass, uncouth, unladylike and just wrong!

SUMMARY

George said it best,

“Here’s all you need to know about men and women: women are crazy and men are stupid.  And the main reason why women are crazy is that men are stupid”

Whatever that means.

This writer rests…

The Book of De Nial

A psalm of Dan Ibn Ochu-Baiye. By the waters of Jabi lake. As recorded by De Nial.

1. They sought to chain me. My soul was wrought with grief. Yea, they gathered in mischief. They are gathered in iniquity.
2. See Lord, how they have consulted with mediums. How Thy servants name is taken up for divination. See how they have maligned Your son with lies.
3. But yet, thou Lord hast been my rock and deliverer. You have blessed me with sound sleep and rest.
4. You have shewed me all the evil; yea all their evil intents. Surely they are not guiltless and shall eat of bowls of pestilence duly. None shall escape. Selah.
5. Their strongholds are destroyed. Their peace doth flee. Their labours enjoyed by others. Strange calamities are their portion. Avenge me my Father. Keep not Thy silence. Selah.
6. I will testify of Thine deliverance. My lips will tell of Your mercies and graces upon Thy servant.
7. Of how Thou Lord hast enlarged me to their ridicule. To my glory and for Thy glory.
8. My heart is enlarged. I am humbled by Your love. Glory to Your holy Name, forever in Christ Jesus.
9. Amen.

10 Reasons Why She Will Leave You

I get called to counsel warring lovers.
Of recent these calls have increased in frequency. Many of them, from repeat ‘offenders’.

Especially married folk. The thread that held marriages of old together, seems to now be out of stock, or made of inferior thread. Or maybe the quality of materials the same old thread is supposed to hold together, is what is actually inferior.
However I digress, forgive me.

As some of you are aware, I conducted a survey yesterday. Hence this piece. The results were not at all what I expected. The results are listed from the most occurring reason (from the survey) to the least occurring.
Below are 10 reasons why your wife, lover, girlfriend will leave you:-

1) VIOLENCE
At 98% occurrence in my polls, this tops the list. She will always leave a woman beater. She will run away from protracted exposure to physical, and for some, emotional abuse. So, Captain Caveman, up your emotional sensitivity. Except if you’re Tarzan and she’s Jane.

2) LOVE LOST
The ladies say they would leave you if they thought you no longer loved them. How they get to that conclusion is an angle my polls did not cover. “Faith cometh by hearing I guess? Tell her you love her…often too! (Dumbo!!)

3) BAD SEX
Yeeeeesh! Is that even possible in this day and age? Are there really men out there that do not know that great lovers are made, not born. With all the adult educational material out there, all the sex aids and paraphernalia… And you still can’t shag her properly?! Dude…seriously?!! Also closely related was ‘small penis’. I’m not even going to delve into that matter…you need Jesus for that issue. Or revert to my first paragraph, same point.

4) STINGY
Coming in at number 4, and with over 75% frequency, I guess its serious to women. I don’t know how much you earn sir, or how extravagant she can be…I have no inclination as to the degree of your financial intelligence, or how materialistic she is…but I am sure there is a midpoint for both points of view? Thank you…

5) INFIDELITY
This position surprised me. I expected it to top the polls. Even in attempting to explain this problem, I got the impression that they were acting out an expected reaction as opposed to really detesting it. Either way, you now know most women will leave your cheating behind… (With “half”, of everything. Esther wants half the errant penis too!)

6) LACK OF TRUST
Acting shady. When she cannot rely on you. When she knows you do not trust her. When she does not trust you either. The dynamics of trust are too intangible to simply write on. In my opinion, this is the number 1 problem of most relationships. It should have topped my polls. Loss of trust is why a man would go rogue.
I’ll treat that in “10 Reasons Why He Will Leave You”

7) LIES
Another surprise for me. I expected this higher up. “Everybody lies”, I always say. But I think our women prefer honesty. Lying begets more lies. Its a dirty cancer that will ruin all you hold dear. It’s enough to make her leave you apparently.

8) NOT (NO LONGER) GODLY
Your woman wants you secured spiritually. She knows that if you believe in God, there are many ills and sins you would not commit. She would rather see you as her high priest and her king all rolled in one. She wants you to be her spiritual head.

9) NOT (NO LONGER) BEING HEAD OF THE HOME
They really seem to prefer their men in charge. Feminism aside, they want you to lead. They are quite comfortable following you. There are many twists to this point of view, because there are exceptions to every rule. And because the players are not stupendously wealthy. Its deeper than I have the ability to cover here.

10) MIXED MESSAGES
Hmmm…whatever this means. Coming from the sex with the power to mix messages, market them and profit from sale of same…I am afraid I will have to leave this point alone. In fact the respondent with this reason possesses the talents of misinformation and disinformation. She is frightfully intelligent too. Maybe she said this just to mess us (men) up.

So, there are the reasons why she will leave you. If she hasn’t left already. I hope it helps you out.
I will post 10 reasons why HE will leave in a couple of days.

Where You Put Your Eyes

That is about the size
That’s about the size of it
Where you put your eyes…

What do you see?
What will you be?
What are your plans?
What is your stand?
Who are you?
What do you live for?
What are you?
What will you die for?

That is about the size
That’s about the size of it
Where you put your eyes…

Rax, The Princess, & I

I long for days and times
when I can sit in peace
and gaze with warmth
at my memories of Rax and the Princess.

I long for days and times
when nothing separates us
not family, religion or death
I long for the impossible.

I long for days and times
when with the Princess I will pose
while Rax will take pictures…
I wish us all happiness.

I long for days and times
when we will rendezvous and remember
share sorrow, laughter and wealth
when we three will be truly free.

I long for these things.